Sometimes I don't recognize myself, who I am, why I'm doing so much, or whom I'm doing it for. I can't control my anger. I don't know why. I've been annoyed with myself for the last few days; I don't know why. It is very annoying to be upset with yourself Because it is impossible to explain it to anyone even if you want to. And no one is by my side to get rid of the annoying feeling. I still can't figure out the reason.
Sometimes anger grows with simple things. But when I calm down and try that, I realize I'm wrong. I know I'm an idiot. That gets angry for no reason. It's not about any particular person; it's bad behavior with everyone, including my friends and family members. Some mistakes happen unknowingly.
In the same way, my anger has increased without my knowledge. The more I try to control it, the more it slips out of my hands, but I always believe it is possible to show my anger only to my loved ones. You see, you can't show your anger at a stranger if you want to. You must have the right and intense love for that person; then you can be angry with them.
Only then can you show them the courage to express your anger. In some cases, such thinking is wrong. Because I unnecessarily get angry at someone close to me, it's probably my fault, too, because I put a kind of pain on myself for fear of losing them. Which, of course, made me angry. Sometimes I think my anger is not unreasonable, and there is an exceptional reason for it. Which I may not be able to say openly; that is expressed in my anger. I don't think that my thoughts are wrong, not consistently wrong, some things I do wrong but right. I believe it.
Maybe the way I'm showing my anger is wrong; I'm not sure. I can keep myself calm, keep my rights over the person closest to me, share everything with him. But I can't do that either, and it doesn't happen. It's like I'm trapped in a box to keep everything to myself. I mean, 'my secret.' It just stays in me.
I tried but couldn't express it to the person closest to me. Feeling terrified all the time, they got lost! Maybe I won't find it anymore. In two years, I have been trying to change myself a lot. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of failure, and sometimes when I find myself in a better position, I feel like I'm far ahead. But the people around me may not realize the way forward. But I'm not that far behind. I believe my anger will not cause anyone to leave. Because even in my anger, there is infinite love. Maybe people close to me can understand that when they see my eyes. Because like they are close to me, I am also one of them.
My anger is everything. Because that's where my stresses are hidden, those who understand, they will understand, and those who give up, they have never been, then how can I try to hold them?