The question I'm asking here is a simple and a short one. What do you want?
I mean, I know you want a smoking cup of coffee or a cold beer, that nice dress or that raise but what is it you’re looking for primarily? What do you want out of life? See? The question doesn’t remain a small one for too long.

Before I go on rambling, let me assure you, this is not a motivational post or a self-help egoistic nonsense. The truth is, I don’t know any better. I have the same questions too and I’m in this mess like everyone else. Just wanted to share some of the stuff I’ve felt that keeps bugging me.

I’ve never been to Hong-kong, China or Singapore. But being an avid cinephile (yeah, sorry about the name) I’ve seen enough films and documentaries to know how some people live in small spaces like caged up animals. Many of them are from my part of the world - third world countries. They left their home for a better life. They work, they get some cash, they send the cash home to their folks. Perhaps, back in their home, a few faces get lightened up. Life gets a bit easier. But what about the one that’s caged up far far away? Waking up early in those claustrophobic spaces, working late, pulling extra shifts and then back to that sarcophagus. There’s no joy in that life, no change. It’s not really living. That’s only rotting away. But you know what? Perhaps they didn't have a choice. Society or their country failed them. Even then, perhaps they would have been better off back home. Maybe life would be a bit harder but, they’d still be together with their loved ones and under a brighter sun that doesn't want to choke them with indifference.

If you think I can think that way because I have it easy, I don’t. But you don’t need to know that.

And even if you are a wealthy fellow, are you really in the high heaven? Ask yourself - what living meant to you so far? You’ve spent quite some time already on dear mother earth. Can you look in the mirror and smile at yourself? Well, in that case, you’re a lucky devil and I salut you. But the rest of us...not so much.

You see, I also moan about people leaving what they care about for mundane things. Like a raise that would take you far from your home that wouldn’t let you have even a moment of happiness anyway. But you still do it. Like programmed monkeys.

But there’s the elephant in the room. Some people want to make their folks happy even if it means self-sacrificing. Would you call it noble? Perhaps. Still, it doesn’t stop me from feeling utterly miserable.

What is it then you or I should do with life? What cool idea I got under my skull?
Climb mountains, dive under the sea, jump from space? Not really. That’s not my idea of living. These super activities sure sound majestic and fun and if I have the means, I’d love to go on doing them but, no that’s not what I meant.

My idea of a contented, happy life is where I don’t need to worry about the next meal, have a loving partner (or not), lots of books and films and enough leisure to delve into them.

But someone might find solitude and contentment in gardening. Some might love doing social work. It could be a regular job even, where one feels like doing it perfectly means everything to them and makes them happy.

Living an ordinary life can be enticing. If you can determine what you truly want. Finding your passion. If it’s a life of constant running and making no long lasting connections, always changing at a drastic rate - I say, go for it. Who’s to say it’s bad for you? Everyone has their own ideas.

But even to determine what are those ideas, there’s a wall. The question. It’s not easy answering it -- that simple, utterly dreadful question, is it?

What exactly do you want?

Ironically, the picture I painted up there with books and films? That ain't the whole answer for me either.
Will I ever know? I guess only time will say.