I hate the guy I'm turning into, even he is right I can't accept his philosophies. He's the one who could easily put me on uncomfortable situations. He didn't allow me to stay inside a room, he wanted me to be outside feeling the wind, seeing the people I never want to. It's hard, but I can't stop him. He even has the courage to against even my biggest fears, when he takes a hit or something bad happens, he comes and talks to me in peace. But he never tried to hear my words, he again goes back to take more bad hits.
I still hate him so much for laughing even when I don't see anything funny, he tries to act like he is sensitive. For him most of the thing I ignored was too important. He wants to be a sensitive guy when he is not at all that kind of a person.
He started setting rules about the attitude of mine even with the people I love, he says "don't show that much love, the half of it is enough.". He is also very concerned about my silences, he doesn't want me to be silent when I'm sad. At those sad times, he wants me to do things. He says it is an antidote for everything, engaging with things.
Before I had a lot of time to think and overthink, now I don't have time for any of that. I can't even write about the stupid philosophies inside my head, I'm dying. The parasite is taking complete control over me, I love to call him that, The Parasite. Each word I write also starting to change, there's a lot of reasoning other than just some words. He doesn't want to say the words that create just chaos. He cares more about the actions that the words cause.
"I hate him", I will say this over and over again. It will be the last moments me being myself. Maybe this will be another fearful dream. I don't know what will I become when I wake up...