It was a rough day for me. My heart is crying to the whole day thinking of my current situation. I'm having training for this whole week. My mind was floating while sadness in my heart that made me insane. I don't really like this kind of feeling because it feels like I don't know how to handle this. I was out to search for a loading station but it seems fate played me. I went into different stores but they didn't sell load for my mobile phone. I was just hoping to divert my emotions while in a break time. I failed because I haven't found one that I ended up hurting myself more by thinking many things.
After the whole day of training, I went into this mall near the training centre. Christmas is coming but I guess but my heart will be in sorrow. I had teary eyes but I just controlled it. It's embarrassing for a man doing that stuff in public. I was hoping to cheer up my feelings by watching pretty lights and decors of Christmas but I was wrong. It made me sadder just by thinking the sweet memories. Ah, I'm not ready yet with this kind of situation for now.
After day 1 of my training ended. I wanted a wider scenery where will help me to ease the pain I'm feeling inside. I was walking on this wide road with not too many people walking around. Only vehicles that made a sound as I didn't know which steps I would go. I didn't want to ride a bus because if I will arrive home it will just make me lonelier. I didn't care how long as long as even just a little my heart would feel a bit lighter. The memories were heavy that drowned me inside. I didn't want to let go but someone pushed me away that I don't know how to rise back on my feet.
I was walking while my mind was floating. The streets were empty and lonely like my heart. I wanted someone to share but not a friend, not a family or dear to me. I wanted a stranger who will just listen to my hopeless life. There was no one, so all I could do was to fix it on my own. Just kept on walking like never cared what would happen next. I have a boring life already and after what just happened it became worst.
I was thinking to pause and sit down. Just kept on staring that would make my eyes occupied. Just forgot the heart because it will never be occupied again. But even though I'm feeling like this I didn't want to hurt myself. I continued walking and just nothing.
I reached this road where the leaves of trees were dancing because of the warm wind. I also felt a little bit comfortable while I sensed the wind touched my skin. That kind of feeling was I looking for as of this moment. It's like someone was comforting just by touching. The pain was still there of course but at least I realised how lovely to be alive.
I stayed here for long as I focused on watching the trees. It made me more emptiness inside because I felt like there was nothing for me. Even so, I didn't feel sadder but a feeling of contentment. I was thankful because of a short time I pleased with what I was feeling. Tears might feel but not too much for me to feel despair. I don't how long it will last but I'm sure of it. My walking while having unstable emotions helped me feel peace. I didn't know if I'll be home again but I was fine while staying like that.
thank you for reading
images are mine
Huawei p8
d'dreamboy,
@mrnightmare89