I don't know how to start this but I just want everything to be light and simple — to unclothe pressure and just be me.
Hello, Hivers! Finally, I found myself here already! 😊 After how many attempts, denials, and delays, I am here already, writing my 1st piece... finding myself in this room because of life's surprises— more of a redirection.
I seek a space to open up my unspoken thoughts. So, I am opening a part of me here that I cannot open up to anyone just yet... I hope this is a safe and open space for me to speak up about how life had been lately... no sugar-coating.
Known to many in our place, I am called Ma'am Ivy. This is a short and safe way of calling me by my complete name that is way too lengthy (and dull 😅) — Ma. Jean Ivy C. Pacoma. I am 26 years old, working as a teacher in a public high school in our local community for more than 4 years already. Definitely a people pleaser 😂, living a very "expected" life.
WHO AM I? (In the surface)
Growing up in a family who values education more than anything in world, I was able to cultivate love and enthusiasm to school and education. For years of studying, from elementary to college, I made sure to put my best effort to not only learn but to exceed my parent's expectations. I always made sure to end every school year with flying colors, never wanting anything less than being Number 1.
I had always been aware that a lot of eyes are set to see me — my triumphs and mistakes. That's why, as much as I could, I would like to let people see how my life glitters from school achievements, career successes, and life choices that I make.
It was fulfilling... at some point. But as I grow a little mature and as the huge and vast world opens up for me, things made me realize that I could be more. Not just the typical woman who pleases her family, friends, and the public. I could be MORE for MYSELF.
WHO AM I? (Beneath What Eyes Can See)
For many years, I had been the obedient daughter, respectful sister, generous friend, hardworking employee, and a pleaser to anyone who knows me. But all these left me exhausted, drained, and empty. Because the hard truth is that, we cannot live a life pleasing everybody forever.
Life unraveled me so much challenges lately. I failed — over and over again. It was so hard for me to realize that I was failing because defeat was never in my vocabulary. I thought that if I ace in school, the bright future would come handy. But life is not like that. True as they say, we have to experience a bitter defeat to better taste a sweet success. (Maybe I could talk in detail about this in my future blogs)
Lately, as I thrive to survive and be on top of these challenges pressing me down, I realized to stop paying attention to how people see me. I have to pay attention to myself, my mental being and my peace of mind. ****I have to STOP pleasing others to START loving myself****.
I felt Liza Soberano when she said in one of her interviews,
"Filipinos always claim that they are resilient, but truth is that, we are only people pleasers." Most often than not, we do things because others expect us to do it, and not because we really want to do it for ourselves.
Now I am awakened. Thanks to the many challenges I faced lately. The challenges that slapped the truth in my face that the life I am living is for MYSELF — touching others by it SHOULD just be an EXTRA, not a PRIORITY.
WHO AM I DEEPLY?
Of the many things I became and achieved at 26, I still think I am no one. I think I am lost. And as I meditate about this, I feel fortunate to acknowledge that I, too, am weak, and that's fine. I, too, can fail, and that's perfectly fine. Because as I realize all these, I am able to collect courage from within to know more about myself. I am able to grow the drive to live a more meanigful life away from expectaions, and the burden of pressure I chose to carry years long.
Now, I am letting go of the person others expect me to be, because I am now eager to know myself deeply — the things I really want, the person that I really want to become.
Can someone here relate to me? 😅 I hope we could share sentiments and learnings because more than earning in this platform I really look forward to creating a connection of REAL growth and development as a person. 😊
HOBBIES AND INTERESTS
Personally, I like writing, speaking, and reading (all these boring stuffs. Hihi). However lately, I never had an avenue to speak up and share what's inside my head. But thanks to Hive, I don't have to worry about that anymore. 😊
I crave for peace and serenity which most of the time I find in my bedroom. I'd like to stay at home, try new recipes, eat, run for minutes in my treadmill, binge-watch movies in Netflix, and spend quality time with my loved ones, but I do not see interest in travelling just yet. I travel only when necessary. 😅
I have a baby pet who is named Piper (Shih tzu). Life has changed since I had her. I became more responsible, more empathetic and a new flavor of fun was added to my life. She makes me want to go home early from work!
I like the comfort in the things that I am doing presently but I am open and ready for new learnings. I want to experience more about life — to really feel it, and own it. And one of the many steps I am taking to recreating myself is opening up here in HIVE. 😊
Thanks to @intoy.bugoy for introducing me to this platform years ago and for never pressuring me to write 😅 I had been so denial for a long time but here I am, writing because of... life's redirection.
I hope to share more of my thoughts in this platform soon!