Feb. 7, 2024

Just sharing how my day went today, it's actually a fucked up day

Early this morning i went out to get ready to go to city health to get my food health card for our business; one of the requirements to avail for my business permit, then after seminar i already planned to go to the mall after to buy groceries for my lolos bday event this day, brother gave me money to spend on macaroni salad, but my mom said that we'd buy together as well as to buy powdereed soap to make use at home, because we already ran out of it,

then i got home having coffee, waiting for my ma to arrive then my stupid father came up and got mad at me for not washing the slippers he mostly used, i told him there's no powdered soap left for me to wash it, me and ma will Still buy it later on, but he still continued to say "you are not doing anything here at home" that ticked me off.. because he is fucking looking for way to get on my nerves which is what he is doing everyday but i let it pass, but it was the last straw today

but to fucking tell you honestly?

I HAVE BEEN FUCKING DOING ALL THE HOUSE CHORES IN THE FUCKING HOUSE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH AND MY STUPID FATHER HAS THE AUDACITY TO FUCKING SAY I DONT DO ANYTHING AT HOME? I FUCKING MOVE AROUND EVEN WHEN IM FUCKING SICK AS HELL! I HAVE MY MA, BROTHER AND AUNT AS A WITNESS OF HOW I WORK AT HOME, MY FATHER IS JUST AROUND AT HOME SEEING ME WORKING BUT STILL LOOKING FOR MISTAKES

my father said "its so easy to clean it why didnt you clean it?" did my fucking my father even heard what i fucking said? there's no fucking soap

so i said "IF ITS EASY THEN YOU DO IT"

that ticked him off, he said "dont talk back at me"

i told him "you are so conceited when it comes to your new work ,your work is the most easy job you dont have to do anything u just walk around and observe the place then come home and yet you say you can't do any chores here at home because you have been to work? " like is he the only one working ? I also have work too and his work isn't even half tiring compared to how my mother is working in our fish business, even my mom keeps on complaining of my fathers attitude, so what happened after the conversation?

he said "don't talk back at me or i'll punch you" then i said, "try"

he then came to my side and attempted to punch me, and i just stared at him angrily, i told him "alright punch me" he attempted again like just a gesture to punch, and kicked the chair I'm sitting, it was the last straw, so i stood up and took the chair and attempted to hit him and he backed away, then then he motioned to punch me again and i grabbed a handle on the other side of my hand and shouted at him "ALRIGHT! PUNCH ME! COME ON LET'S FIGHT" THEN I SHOOK OUR TABLE AND HIT OUR GLASSES WHICH A LOT OF THINGS GOT BROKEN"

MY MA, LOLO, AND AUNT WAS HOLDING ME BACK, TO NOT DO ANYTHING TO MY FATHER LOL, IMAGINE 3 OF THEM HOLDING ME, GOSH IM SO STRONG RIGHT? (PROUD EGO LIKE T IMAGINE, I'M STILL SICK BUT STILL STRONG) AND I SAW MY FATHER SITTING ON THE CHAIR NOT DOING ANYTHING BECAUSE MY AUNT SAID TO NOT TALK BACK AT ME, AND MY LOLO WAS TRYING HIS BEST TO GET THE WINE OFF MY HAND BECAUSE IM ALREADY READY TO EITHER THROW IT TO MY FATHER, OR SMACK IT IN THE TABLE AND POINT IT AT HIM, I WAS SO ANGRY AT HIM THAT I DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE WHAT HAPPENS AFTER, I WAS EVEN EXPECTING HIM TO GET HIS GUN AND SHOOT ME,

YES YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, IM NOT FUCKING SCARED TO DIE! WHY?

IF I DIE, I WILL NO LONGER HAVE BILLS TO PAY, I WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO FEEL, I WON'T HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY TO SURVIVE IN THIS STRESSFUL WORLD, I THINK OF DEATH AS A THANK YOU FOR NOT LETTING ME SUFFER ANYMORE... SO IF ANY ACCIDENTS MAY OCCUR BY ALL MEANS OKAY GO AHEAD LET THE UNFORTUNATE HAPPEN...

EXCHANGE WORDS WE SAID DURING OUR FIGHT, ME SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, ENOUGH FOR THE NEIGHBOURS TO HEAR WHICH ONE NEIGHBOUR WENT OUT TO HER HOME AND LOOKED AT ME SAYING "DONT DO THAT TO YOUR FATHER" LOL ITS AS IF IM AT FAULT HERE, OR THE ONE WHO STARTED IT

OKAY MAYBE I HAVE FAULTS FOR FIGHTING BACK?

BUT ME WHO HAS BEEN DOING CHORES, DOING ALL KINDS OF WORK BUT STILL GET NOT APPRECIATED AND ACCUSED FOR NOT DOING ANYTHING ? AND I'M JUST FUCKING DEFENDING MYSELF, AND I EVEN GOT KICKED AT THE CHAIR IM SITTING, MY FATHER BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO ME, DOES HE FUCKING DESERVE RESPECT WHEN HE ISN'T EVEN RESPECTING ME?

I ACTUALLY CALMED DOWN, BOTH ITEMS ON MY HANDS HAS ALREADY BEEN PUT DOWN I TALKED CALMY TO MAKE MY FATHER UNDERSTAND BUT THEN HE STILL CONTINUED TO SAY HE'D PUNCH ME, WAHAHAHA THE FUCKING COWARD WAS JUST SITTING AFRAID OF EXCHANGE BLOWS, LIKE FUCK IM ALREADY READY TO FIGHT HERE, I HAVE ALL MY FUCKING STRENGHT TO FIGHT HIS WEAK ASS BUTT, LIKE I CAN FUCKING WIN THE FIGHT , I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I ALREADY SENSED HOW WEAK HE WAS WHEN I ATTEMPTED TO HIT HIM WITH THE CHAIR AFTER HE KICKED IT, LOLS!

FUCKING COWARD! PWE! HANGGANG SALITA LANG PALA ANG GAGO! ULOL MO!

BACK THEN I WOULDNT EVEN FIGHT BACK EVERYTIME HE TRIES TO PUNCH ME, I GET COWARDLY, I GET SCARED, BUT RIGHT NOW? FUCK NO! I'LL FIGHT BACK, I WON'T SEE YOU AS MY FATHER ANYMORE, I'VE ALREADY KILLED YOU A LOT OF TIMES IN MY HEAD

LIKE HE AIN'T EVEN HELPING THE PROBLEMS I'M GOING THROUGH AND HE AIN'T EVEN DOING HIS JOB AS A FATHER, INSTEAD HE ALWAYS GIVES US PROBLEMS AND VERBAL ABUSE EVERYDAY! LIKE A FUCKING KID WHO GETS MAD IF THINGS WON'T GO HIS WAY, HE BOSS AROUND IN THE MOST IRRATIONAL WAY LIKE IT'S VERY MIND BLOWING

WORDS I SAID WHILE I WAS CRYING AND HOLDING THE WINE IN MY HAND ON THE SIDE AND THE CHAIR ON MY OTHER HAND, IF HURTFUL WORDS HE WANTS THEN HURTFUL WORDS HE'LL GET

" SURE KA NA DI AKO GUMAGALAW DITO SA BAHAY?!! E HALOS LAHAT GINAGAWA KO NA DITO, LAHAT NG UTOS NYO SINUSUNOD KO DESPITE HAVING WORK ON THE SIDE TO DO! I HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY COMING THAT I WANT TO CONCENTRATE WITH AND I WANT TO ORGANIZE EVERYTHING HERE FIRST AND YET YOU SAY I'M NOT WORKING? "

" YOU KNOW WHAT? IF MAWALA MAN SI MAMA DITO SA MUNDO AND YOU BEING LEFT HERE ALONE? ME AND BRO ALREADY DECIDED NOT TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU!!!! WE WILL PART WAYS WITH YOU!!!"

" YOU SAY MY MOM IS VERY BUGOK OR BOBO ???!! TO BE HONEST YOU ARE THE ONE WHO I SEE WHOS STUPID OR BOBO!! NOT MY MOTHER'

HIM: LAYAS KA DITO!

ME: ANONG LAYAS? BAHAY MO TO?!! PAG MAMAY ARI TONG BAHAY SA PAMILYA NI MAMA! HINDI MO TO PAGMAMAYARI !!!! (MY MOM ALREADY SAID THAT MY FATHER DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY THIS TO ME BECAUSE HER FAMILY OWNS THE HOUSE"

AMD TO BE HONEST MY FATHERS SIDE FAMILY IS POOR AND MY MOTHERS SIDE FAMILY IS RICH, SO AS YOU CAN SEE MY FATHER WAS JUST LIFTED BY HIS POORNESS FROM MY MOTHERS SIDE OF THE FAMILIES WEALTH

HIM: IF IT WASN'T ME YOU WOULDN'T BE ALIVE IN THIS WORLD"

ME: NO CHILD EVER WANTS TO BE ALIVE IN THIS CRUEL WORLD!!! I NEVER EVEN ASKED TO BE BORN! YOU AS A FATHER HAS FAILED TO DO YOUR JOB AS ONE! I AM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY UNTIL THE END!

I AM VERY EDUCATED! TARONG KO NGA PAGKA ANAK (I HAVE BEEN A GOOD CHILD) BUT YET YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!!!

I SAID THIS SHOUTING AT HIM WHILE MY MA LOLO AND AUNT IS STOPPING ME FROM COMING AT MY FATHER,

MY LOLO WHO WAS TRYING TO GET THE WINE OUT OF MY HAND WAS SUCCESSFUL TO DO IT, I FEEL BAD FOR MY LOLO TO USE STRENGTH AND I FEEL BAD THAT THIS SITUATION HAPPENED ON HIS BIRTHDAY, SO PUT DOWN THE ITEMS ON MY HAND, YOU COULD SAY I GOT WILD BY KICKING OUR BIG TABLE AND KIND OF FELT SORRY WHEN MA GOT HIT A LITTLE, AND MOST OF MY FAVORITE GLASS GOT BROKEN, MY FATHER JUST LOOKED AT ME BREAKING THINGS AND SAID

"YOU ALREADY BROKE THE GLASSES YOU BOUGHT" HE SAID IT CALMLY

ME WHO WASN'T CALMED YET SAID " I DON'T CARE! THE VALUE OF IT IS JUST 5 PESOS IN JAPAN SURPLUS ANYWAY!" (BUT EVEN IF IT'S JUST CHEAP, IT'S A VERY BEAUTIFUL GLASSES, I HAVE TASTE WITH GLASS, IM AN ARTIST AFTERALL)

THIS WAS A BIT OF A COMICAL SITUATION THAT TIME, AND WHILE I SHARED THE SITUATION WITH OUR RELATIVES AND FRIENDS THEY LAUGHED! HAHAHA

anyways, I was still mad that I KICKED OUR DOOR 3 TIMES, VERY HARD THAT MY LOLO SAID calmly "STOP DOING THAT, OUR DOOR WILL GET BROKEN" I SWEAR IT WAS VERY COMICAL , BUT TO BE HONEST I WAS SO FURIOUS FULL OF RAGE AND MAD, I WAS PLANNING TO RUN HOME, I STORMED OUTSIDE WHILE SOME OF OUR NEIGHBOURS WAS LOOKING AT ME WITH CRYING FACE AND I TOLD THEM I HAVE A STUPID AND DEMON FATHER

I WAS ON THE STREET, TRYING TO CONTACT MY BEST FRIEND WHICH ASNWERED ALMOST IMMEDIATELY TO ME IN MESSENGER ASKING WHAT HAPPENED I ASKED IF SHE HAS A MOTOR BIKE WITH HER SO SHE CAN GET ME AND LET ME STAY AT HER HOME TO CALM DOWN AND TOLD HER THAT I'LL SHARE EVERYTHING WHAT HAPPENED ONCE WE'RE AT HER HOME WHICH SHE RESPONDED ALMOST IMMEDIATELY

WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR MY BESTFRIEND, I CALLED MY BROTHER TELLING HIM WHAT HAPPENED, I REALLY THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO SCOLD ME FOR CRYING (HE JUST DOENST LIKE IT WHEN I CRY) BUT HE DIDN'T, INSTEAD HE SAID "HAY NAKO, ANO NA NAMAN GINAWA NIYA TSK" YEP MY BROTHER KNOWS WHAT I DO AT HOME, HE KNOWS I WORK AND I ALWAYS GET UNAPPRECIATED BY MY FATHER AND HE ALREADY KNOWS THAT I GOT SO FULL AND BURSTED, SO HE ASKED IF WHERE I'LL BE STAYING, I JUST SAID ILL BE WITH MY BESTFRIEND, HE SAID NA I SHOULD JUST GO TO OUR MOMMY (AUNT) TO THE PLACE WHERE I ALWAYS RUN IF THERE'S PROBLEM LIKE THIS HAPPENS AND I SHOULD NOT HASSLE MY BESTFRIEND ANYMORE, BUT FOR SOMOENE LIKE ME WHO DIDNT HAVE A MONEY TO PAY FOR FARE GOING TO MY MOMMY'S HOUSE, THE BEST OPTION SO FAR IS MY BESTFRIEND , MY BROTHER THEN CONTACTED ONE OF OUR COUSINS WHO HAS A CAR TO PICK ME UP BUT I SUGGESTED FOR MY COUSIN TO PICK ME UP AT MY BESTFRIENDS HOME.

SO YEAH I AM WITH MY BEST FRIENDS, WHO LISTENED TO ME WHICH I CALMED DOWN AND I THOUGHT SHOULD I REALLY RUN OFF HOME AND LIVE WITH MY MOMMY (AUNT) AGAIN? BUT THEN THE HASSLE OF MOVING MY THINGS! AND I ALREADY LOVE MY WORKING STATION IN MY ROOM BECAUSE I CAN WORK WELL, I THOUGHT I CAN JUST ALWAYS AVOID MY FATHER AND NOT TALK TO HIM AND IF WE EVER FIGHT AGAIN, I'M ALWAYS READY FOR SECOND ROUND OF WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER,

HECK I DONT EVEN MIND IF 3RD ROUND WILL HAPPEN!

AS LONG AS HE DOESNT DO THE SAME THING AGAIN, I WON'T DO ANYTHING EITHER

SO MY MOMMY CALLED ME ASKING WHERE I AM, I GOT SURPRISED THAT SHE USED MY MOMS NUMBER, SHE WAS ACTUALLY IN OUR HOUSE, MY LOLO WAS SO CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED THAT HE PAID A TOKTOK CYCLE TO DRIVE HIM GOING TO MY MOMMYS HOUSE JUST TO INFORM THEM OF WHAT HAPPENED AND MY MOMMY DROVE IN THE HOUSE AND ASKED WHAT HAPPENED

I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY TALKED ABOUT BUT I TALKED TO MOMMY AT THE PHONE EXPLAINING TO HER WHAT HAPPENED, SHE JUST SAID "IT'S STILL YOUR FATHER" SHE SAID IT CALMLY... SHE ALSO SAID THAT I SHOULD BUY THE MACARONI SALAD MY BROTHER ORDERED ME TO DO SINCE IT'S ALREADY GETTING LATE AND GUESTS OF MY LOLOS BDAY WILL COME SOON, I THINK THATS HER WAY OF CONVINCING ME TO COME HOME WHICH I AM ALREADY CALM AND IN THE RIGHT MIND TO ACTUALLY COME BACK BECAUSE HECK I WON'T SACRIFICE HASSLE AND TIME JUST FOR WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER LIKE, IF SOMEONES LEAVING HOME? IT SHOULD BE MY FATHER NOT ME! AND WE CAN ALWAYS NOT TALK

AND RIGHT NOW WHEN THE EVENT OF MY LOLOS BDAY I CAN SEE THAT MY FATHER IS TRYING TO INTERACT WITH ME BUT I DONT LOOK AT HIM AND I AVOID HIM, RUMORS HAS SPREAD TO THE FAMILY AND MY WHOLE FAMILY ALREADY SAW HOW PUFFY MY EYES ARE, SOME OF MY COUSINS JOKE AROUND OF WHAT HAPPENED WHILE I EXPLAINED WHAT WENT ON EARLIER, THEY JUST LAUGHED AND SMILED,

ONE OF MY COUSINS PARENTS WERE ALREADY JUDGING ME FOR BEING AT THE WRONG FOR FIGHTING BACK WITH WEAPONS ON HAND LIKE , YEAH IM NOT THE SAME AS YOUR CHILD WHO YOU GUYS ALWAYS PHYSICALLY ABUSE AND WON'T FIGHT BACK, I'M TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOW, AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEIR JUDGY LOOKS BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T CONTRIBUTED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE... MAN I FEEL SO BAD SAYING THIS BUT IF YOU KNOW HOW ROTTEN MY COUSINS PARENTS ARE? YOU WOULDNT EVEN SIDE ON THEM OF WHATEVER THEY ARE DOING WITH MY COUSINS

I WOULDNT REVEAL IT, BUT TRUST ME I JUST FEEL BAD FOR MY COUSINS TO HAVE THE WORST PARENTS IN THIS WORLD COMPARED TO MINE WHO WOULD I SAY ARE STILL KIND COMPARED TO THEM, ANYWAYS!

IM DRUNK WRITING THIS, BECAUSE WE GOT BOOZE FROM MY LOLO AND FROM MY FRIENDS, TO BE HONEST I DON'T WANT TO DRINK, I HAVE A GOUT WHICH ALCOHOL IS ONE THATS NOT ALLOWED FOR ME TO DRINK, AND I'M AFRAID THAT I'LL START A FIGHT WITH MY FATHER

BUT YOU KNOW WHATS FUNNY?

WHEN I DRANK THE ALOCHOL FEELING A LITTLE TIPSY?

I ACTUALLY CALMED DOWN AND CONSCIENCE GUSHING INSIDE ME, LIKE MY HEARTS MELTED BUT MY MINDS TRYING ITS BEST TO STAND UP AND STAY COLD,

LIKE ITS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I THINK, I AM ACTUALLY CALMED WHEN I DRINK BUT NOT CALMED WHEN SOBER, HAHAHAH

anyways,

i told my mom to tell father not to talk to me because if he does do it again, world war 3 will happen and ill turn everything in the house upside down ...

I just want to share this here, just to make myself feel better... because actually it was a fucked up tiring day...

RESPECT ME, I'LL RESPECT YOU, DISRESPECT ME, I'LL DISRESPECT YOU!

THAT SIMPLE.