Until when do we need to suffer to suffice the needs of others? Until when do we need to wait to achieve real freedom? Until when do we need to wait for the moment to come that all we need to mind is ourselves alone, not others.
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When I smile, it doesn't mean I am happy. Because sometimes, that's my way of hiding my loneliness.
When I laugh, it doesn't mean I am enjoying my life. Because sometimes, that's my way of saving myself from insanity.
When I cry, it doesn't mean I am hurt. Because sometimes, that's my way of releasing my emotions that are embedded firmly in my heart for a long time.
Bringing home the bacon sounds great. An ability to be proud of. But is that even what I wanted? I never imagined my life winning the bread for my family. I never imagined my life bringing the bacon at home. I never imagined my life carrying the heavy baggage on my shoulders alone. Hey! I also need a helping hand. It's too heavy! Would you mind carrying some for the sake of everyone?
Did you even ask me if I want this life? Because all I ever wanted is a peaceful and happy life, following my own path, not the path unintentionally created by others, but I forcibly stepped on for the sake of their welfare, because nobody can do it but me. Am I the only person capable of the said tasks? You also have bodies and minds that can grind and strive for your lives.
Did you even care about my steep, rocky, and path full of thorns? Did you mind giving me shoes to protect my soles? This course of mine isn't easy to navigate and giving me nausea in its every cycle. The mountains are too arduous and high to climb. Would you mind giving me a push to reach the top? The journey is too long and my body is getting weak and weary to stay on. Would you mind looking at the road and steer the wheel for me? Because my body is already exhausted and needed some rest I should say.
And even if I am away, you always bother me.
"Ate, do you mind buying me some stuff for school?"
Did you even ask if I have some penny in my purse?
"Ate, can you give me some load?"
I never imagined my life becoming a load retailer. Do I look like a store?
"Ate, do you have this and that...?"
I never thought that I am a department store already.
"Ate, my birthday is coming "
So what? Do I look like a cake?
"Ate, the tuition fee is about to due. Can you send me some money?"
I never thought that I look like a bank already. Do I? If only I am, it would be easier for me to unload the heavy baggage on my shoulder.
On every holiday I want to sail away because even if I am in my own abode, my mind and body are not getting a vacay. Surprising bills and lists of expenses are waiting on the table. Indeed they are surprising as they sent shivers down my spine. Should I be happy with that surprise? Or lose my appetite because I'm totally fed up.
Conquering the distant land is not easy. I'm just a human that gets sick as well. Did you even ask if I am okay? Muscle pains and discomforts are being suppressed just to continue the journey. I've been to new places, should I call myself lucky for the short pleasure? Because at the end of the day, the fantasy is turning back to reality and I need to wake up to face the fact. The fact that it won't last a lifetime. The fact that the happiness felt was just temporary. The fact that I will never feel the ultimate freedom that I ever wanted in life. The fact that I will never be freed from the cage of burdens.
Sometimes my mind goes insane and my body wants to end the pulse palpating beneath my skin. Darkness takes over me and I feel like the world stops revolving, so I want to stop breathing as well. Is it even unfair? Why not? Can't I make my own will to end the suffering?
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But the sun shines so brightly and clears the dark thick clouds away. It gives light into my room. Everything goes back to senses and burdens become lighter. Fate is always against me every time I want it to fall in my way. Maybe there is a reason behind it because life just happens.
That's life anyway, and as they always say:
We are meant to carry heavy baggage and only the weak can carry the light one.
And I should keep going and never stops. If this is my purpose in this world, all I have to do is accept them wholeheartedly. It's heavy, yes I know. But maybe you can help me lift some for the sake of everyone?
The time will come that I will reach the end of my journey, I'm getting weak, I can feel it. Would you mind continuing it for me?
As for now, I will continue this course of life. And in every step I take I will pick up the beautiful pebbles and stones on the ground. I will collect every dazzling flower on the streets. And I will rest under the canopies of the big old tree when my body calls me to stop.
If I fall, can you reach a helping hand for me to get back up? Because I can't finish this journey alone!
I hope I could reach this message to everyone who has a breadwinner in their family.
We are only human and we feel tired, we get sick, and we are vulnerable. So don't be so demanding and strenuous, instead, give a helping hand. Hear our weeps and cries, mind our aching bodies. We also need someone beside us towards completing our journey. We also want real happiness and freedom!
If you are in my shoes, don't give up. Every day is not a stormy day and I know that tomorrow will be brighter. And everything will fall into our way. Just keep going, keep fighting, keep soaring high, and never stop!
Thanks for your time.
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