28th January 2024
"Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness."
-Thitch Nhat Hanh
Life is beautiful, that is undeniable, but sometimes tough and unfair for many. We are often put in a situation where we have to consider the future, other factors, and people around us before making decisions. I'm merely one of those whose freedom is limited, and decisions are made by taking other people into account. Oftentimes, I want to be free from this, but reality always pulls me back, and reminds me that I live not just for myself, but for others.
In five years, I'll be forty years old. It's the stage where I should settle on my own, live in my own house, or perhaps build my own family. I'll be at the age where my life ought to be more carefree and worry-free, given that I am independent and single. My only concern will be with myself, and how to make the most of my remaining years before getting too old.
People probably assume that I am more privileged, and that my life isn't too difficult because I keep traveling around Hong Kong. Perhaps, they are right to say I am fortunate because I feel grateful for what I have now, and for the new experiences I acquired. However, traveling around Hong Kong is comparable to traveling around Metro Manila in the Philippines, where I don't have to spend a lot of money on transportation.
Little did people know that behind those smiles and adventures are piles of worries building in my mind every time I think about the future. My contract will expire in a few months, specifically in June, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to find a new work right away. I am in a place where termination is vague, even on the very first day, thus, losing a job might happen quickly and unexpectedly. That's one of the reasons why I keep myself in one place where I am safe from sudden termination. Given my experiences, I can probably get a new job, but it will take a little while, which is not ideal for me. I can't be jobless for a long period.
Having three scholars, turning five after two to three years, isn't a joke. It requires me to spend more effort, endure more pain, and even shed more tears to provide for them and my family. If I had to decide for myself, I could merely work from home in front of my desktop or take a break after my contract (since I feel like I need it). However, given our numbers in the family, the high inflation rate in my country, tuition fees, and other necessities, there is no room for me to be unemployed, or work at home as income might not be sufficient to make ends meet. I feel like I'm carrying the whole world, but I'm just enduring the pain.
There are moments when I feel envious of my other siblings because they seem to be content to live their lives as they want them to be, without worrying about accepting any responsibilities. Sometimes, I wish I could be as stubborn and heartless as them, so I can be free from burdens. However, it is easier said than done, especially when I find myself in unexpected situations where my decisions and happiness are once again in jeopardy. My father was supposed to be the person to ask for support from, but his passing just made things worse on my part, which affected my finances and even my crypto savings. It seems to be a never-ending worries.
So just imagine if I don't make myself enjoy on weekends, my mind will be swamped with worries that would trigger my anxiety. My life itself is stressful enough, I deserve some break even just for a while. I'm just fortunate to be in this place where I can travel around easily.
What's one thing you'll let go of for this year? And why?
If there is one thing I have to let go of, then that would be my worries. I keep reminding myself to stop worrying about everything and just let life be. I hope it is easier to do, but it requires patience throughout the process, as well as time and practice. I should just let life be and focus on the present moment, because that's already my life, anyway. Instead of dwelling on things I cannot change, I would want to stop worrying, and concentrate on finding ways to live a happier life while accepting responsibility. I want to do more adventures in life while I can, I don't want to put them aside.
Few more years to endure. Just keep fighting, self!
Thanks for your time.
Jane is a Filipina wanderer in a foreign land who finds comfort in nature and freedom in writing. She loves watching raw picturesque landscapes, listening to the symphony of nature, breathing in drops of sunshine, walking through scenic trails and cityscapes, tasting new culinary flavors, capturing pretty little things, venturing into hidden gems, and dancing with the flow of life.
Her new experiences, adventures, challenges, lessons, small successes, and joys are colorful paints that fill up her canvas of life. She hopes to see it beautifully painted while she can. Join her on her quest for self-discovery and wanderlust. If you like her content, don't hesitate to upvote, drop a comment, reblog, and follow for more wonderful adventures.
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