My realization started when I was young, I think. When I look back I see myself talking with angels and creatures all the time. I would follow them to adventures on the road and in the fields. I still did actions that were morally wrong. Everyone does it. And I believe children are innocent. I must admit to myself innocent ones do seemingly "bad" things. There is no right or wrong in the Universe of Universes. @UrantiaBook
Then I became a teenager and closed off from everything and everyone. Told the angels and the creatures to back off in the corner of the room. Told them, I was scared. I was not feeling well. I was curled up in bed. Crying most likely. There was not much they could do. Then I met God after a car crash. My mom said it was a minor accident. The thing is she did not know that the day before I had prophesied my own crash to a friend. He is the first one I called after I realized I was choking on the airbag dust. I got out of the car still running, looked around. It was night, early December on an icy bridge. Many cars were involved. Nobody was hurt but my pride.
I realized I had created it out of despair. I was imagining ways to die or get really hurt so people would know how deep in pain I was on the inside.
Then, Father said: Psst.
I started changing myself to find happiness. I looked around for happiness and I really found it. I found Family, Friends and Booze! Drama. We all do our best. I am so grateful for my brothers and sisters who lived all those scenes with me. Changing roles is so much fun!
Then I found Teachers and Tattoos. I realized I was a silly girl in the eyes of the Host. I play my role. Now I know that. I am the innocent who seemingly do "bad things". I wreck. I cry. I stall. But Father taught me that all my actions He uses in His Plan. I let go of Fear and Doubt these days. Also, I am, more or less, always working on, allowing myself to be seen. I really work well in invisibility yet it is not the skill set required during this e-mission.