A memoir
Quite often when we meet a new person a minor, almost hidden, hesitation arises whether this person is our partner for life or will the episode be just another waste of time. There is a common belief that we must deeply know the person and that we have to give them a chance before making a decision about them. That opinion, however, is true and valid only when two conditions are met.
The first condition is to never chase love.
Men mostly, but not only them, constantly look for someone to date, someone who would care for them, who would be interested in them and generally would want to hang out with them. It has become a kind of a social norm for every girl that passes near a group of men to become a potential subject for pursuit from their end. The men in the group simply feel that they have to try; they have to check that girl, for the tiny chance that she, wonder of wonders, is their lost love.
Needless to say, such approach to life is not suitable for those who look for TrueLove because once we made the proper intent for TrueLove relationships, the appropriate and the right connections and relationships will arrive by themselves, effortlessly. It is important to understand that the mechanism that governs and decides what is best for us is extremely wise and definitely different than the ordinary everyday rational thinking.
We have two main options to choose from. The first is to succumb to the ordinary thinking which eventually will most surely lead us to distress and sadness and consequently to look for and chase after spouses to lessen our loneliness. However, if, instead, we choose to trust life to bring us the most appropriate relationships at the most suitable timing, we will discover that we no longer need to chase after dates and partners, and miraculously we do meet people with whom we share significant relationships. True, not every such relationship will be our TrueLove, but at least it will be appropriate and will serve as a milestone towards TrueLove.
The check-up
From the moment we made the intent to find TrueLove, a thorough and profound examination is beginning to take place - by our master-self - in very deep places of our essence. The purpose of such scrutiny is to identify our accurate status regarding our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual conditions. Then, according to the findings, certain milestones will be set for us on our journey to accomplish the purpose. In those stations we will go through toughening experiences, we will meet various people who will teach us one or two things, we will encounter spiritual teachers, healers and most surely spouses and lovers. Whoever comes our way will be one further preparatory step towards TrueLove.
All that will happen only if we agree to give up the Ego’s insistence to control and to manage everything, and rather allow the “higher plan” to manifest in our life. Such new attitude will also shorten the period of time until TrueLove will come. Why? because we devotedly maintain the route from being led astray by the Ego.
The second condition is that discretion is always important!
We should not accept every invitation from anybody just because they came to us. Our discretion is based on the first impression that we have right after we met or were introduced to the potential suitor.
Let’s take a simple example. You attended a family event and your dear cousin turned your attention to a very good looking guy who was standing at the bar. Loyal to the first condition you say to yourself: “if it is meant to be, it will. I will wait for the opportunity to present itself”. And indeed, after a few dances, you find yourself on the dance floor face to face with that gorgeous man who is more charming than ever. He fixes his tie, smiles at you and presents himself. He looks attractive and appealing, especially when he compliments your dancing skills and your fine taste in clothes. After you two chat for a while you get to know more about the guy and you find him very interesting. When the evening ends, not before you had several more dances with him, he asks to see you again. This is a major junction on your way to TrueLove and you know it. You must choose wisely. Your smiling cousin looks at you from afar, the guy stands next to you waiting for your answer and given the fun time you had together it seems he is not expecting any other answer than a warm “yes”. You for one have not made up your mind yet. “Is he really my TrueLove?”, you mull.
The answer for such dilemma could be very simple if you agreed to abandon the Ego and address your feelings and intuition:
- What do you feel towards the guy? True, he looks good and has a
charm, but beyond that, on a deeper level, do you feel good around him? - Were his compliments sincere?
- Do you feel that he lives life from his soul, just like you are, or does his Ego still run things for him?
The intuition
There cannot be any mistake about these inner feelings. They are strong, present and inclusive, that is you feel them in your body, mind and emotions. This is your intuition! Use it! When you allow your intuition to guide you, the mind takes the second seat. Therefore, if you find yourself thinking: “well, I don’t feel he is my one. Something really doesn’t feel right. But he was so nice and he is so attractive. I would be stupid to reject him”, then he is Not your one. If you choose to ignore that inner feeling and carry on with the affair sooner than later you will realize that you diverted from the short way to TrueLove. Indeed, such occurrence is not grave and you will get more chances to return to your path, but in time, the more you waste your energy on futile relationships the more tired and frustrated you would become. That in itself might impede your way to TrueLove and might cause the journey to be unnecessarily tough.
Other ego's manipulations - loneliness is not necessary!
The Ego is often very dominant in those individuals who have little experience with relationships such as teenagers. The Ego then generates a grave feeling of fear of being rejected. There is also the fear of the reaction from the surrounding community - classmates and others - once they would hear one was rejected. The ego will persistently claim that if we reveal our feelings we will definitely be the subject for mock and contempt from everybody because feelings are our weak point and better kept inside. However, the ego will not tell us that without feeling there is no healthy relationship. Therefore, if we follow the ego’s demand to lock our feelings we will be doomed to a life of solitude for the rest of our childhood, adolescent, and mature life.
Indeed, sometimes being alone and lonely for long times of our life is appropriate and serves as a wonderful catalyst for fast spiritual growing. However, most often it is not necessary to suffer to achieve such developments. The solitude, on the one hand, pushes us to focus on ourselves, to check who we are and to change accordingly but it is vital to understand that the same growth and the same insights can be attained without the misery and the sadness that come along with the loneliness.
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