Ever since I left the USA, more than 10 years ago, I've lost a lot of American friends simply because they don't answer their phones or return calls.

I have one particular friend that has not answered a single phone call from me for over 10 years, and it is simply because he hasn't saved my Google Hangouts number, so he thinks I'm a stranger calling.

😁 A PLAN HATCHED 🐣

I don't know how the idea jumped into my head, but if I remember correctly, I saw a YouTube video of a guy making recycled paper fire logs, and it caused me to research how to get my hands on free paper.

5 minutes in and I was on junkmail and free sample registration websites, although I lived in Cambodia, and there was no reason to be researching how I could make recycled paper logs in the USA with free junkmail.

Not wanting to have wasted my time down this rabbit-hole, I decided to register my friend, whose name is "C__y R__b," for about six or seven various food samples, magaziens and hygiene products.

Below are three of the sites I've used to sign my friend up for some free samples, magazines and junkmail.

FreeFly's	YoFreeSamples	FreeSamplesMail

⚖️ BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME 👨‍⚖️

I should tell you I already have successfully run a fake facebook page for this friend for over 10 years as well, all with the prior of approval of his wife, whom answers her phone like a normal human being when people call her.

His wife is the one who shows him what he does on Facebook, like getting sick at the various fast-food restaurants around our small Indiana farmtown.

His wife, via her smartphone, in a weird "John Malkovich" way, is the one who shows him what he does on Facebook, like getting sick at the various fast-food restaurants around our small Indiana farm town.

I am getting carried away now, but his Facebook page is another classic I shall save for a future Hive post.

70% of my hometown still thinks his Facebook page is the real him, and many friends and family send me new pictures of him to keep it updated. For three years he didn't even know who was running his Facebook page.

🗑️ ON TO THE JUNK MAIL 📨

After he discovered I ran the Facebook page, I tried to make a deal with him. In exchange for him answering my phone calls, I would delete his facebook page, but he wouldn't cave, what a horrible friend.

With his wife's approval, a few pieces of mail turned into a multi-year onslaught of various samples, magazines, stickers, hygiene products and more, all thanks to auto-fill and the above websites.

Once I had his info in auto-fill, I would just spend 5-10 minutes every day signing him up for various free things, and even got some Jehovah's Witnesses to show up at his house, all via email.

I've been doing this on and off for years and years, and he saves some of the junkmail highlights for me to look at on my odd trips back to the USA.

Below are some of the classics his wife has taken pictures of and sent to me while I've been abroad.

a corn-fed Indiana boy always needs feminine hygiene products

Obviously, I've experimented with various names for his junk-mail, I've even discovered you can consume quite a lot of characters for the name of the receiver.

The above mail is addressed to "Arcillo Griffiths," but most of the time I use "Sclay PowerPunch McRobb," and even pushed the limits once with "World's Greatest Dad - Go Kart Builder & Lasagna Enthusiast."

my go-to name is Sclay PowerPunch McRobb

It's amazing how much you can squeeze in the name area of junk-mail, you can even use it like an SMS service, and send your friend messages like "Answer your phone and the junk-mail stops."

I guess I saved the best for last, but somehow I stumbled upon a sparkling wine website offering free custom bottle stickers.

His wife snapped a photo and let me know he really loved the prosecco wine label. It hasn't been all bad, I've sent them some really cool snacks and dog treats that they've enjoyed.

😂 DO IT TO YOUR LAZIEST FRIEND 📭

It only takes a few minutes and then auto-fill can do the rest, so I highly recommend you junk-mail a friend of yours. Sclay PowerPunch McRobb really loves reading "Cigar Aficionado" while he's on the toilet.

Not only will your friend enjoy the random surpises, you get endless laughs. Seriously though, the pictures his wife has sent me of his junk-mail are among the greatest laughs I have ever had.