My Insecurities About My Eyes. How this has affected me. Should I Own My Body?
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My insecurities about my eyes started when I gained admission into the university, I have lazy eyes and it's more obvious when I didn't get enough of sleep. I have always had lazy eyes even since childhood. I didn't care too much about it when I was in high school/ secondary school. People do make nasty comments about my eyes and I always feel bad. When I entered the university my insecurity increased and I thought I always look silly knowing that the first thing people notice about me is my lazy eyes. Does this mean I am seeking for perfection in the way I look or this is totally normal?
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About My Appearance
I know I don't have the ideal body shape, lol, sometimes it gives me concern but I understand that most people are feeling that way themselves too. I am not seeking perfection in terms of my appearance but I didn't want to look silly especially when making new friends in school. Most times I assume that some people will talk about my eyes and eye colour so I avoid them. Because most people have criticized me about my skin colour and I just wonder if it's my fault that I'm created this way or is it my parents fault? lol.
My Mentality towards this:
I have analyzed my behaviour and others behaviour towards me. Do I have the wrong mentality towards all these or am I just overthinking this? Or this is normal during teenage years? All my life, I have always been gaining attention for my appearance because of my skin colour( I'm light skinned) whereas my country, almost everyone is dark skinned. I have always felt that people are noticing me and that is somehow true. My mom has told me before to mind the way I carry myself because I always attract others. I guess this all sums up why I am so insecure about my eyes. My eye aches me a lot too also with the shaking.
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Should I Own up to it or just keep on feeling bad about my self??
I talked with a friend and she made me understand that I have the wrong mentality towards this, that I am overcoming this and I shouldn't focus on my flaws rather the good side..
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My defense mechanisms
Subconsciously and consciously I have defense mechanisms. Towards my insecurity about my lazy eyes I shy away or avoid some people. Note these people might have not made remarks I just start to feel uncomfortable about it. Other times I like to stay indoors to avoid meeting others who will criticize me.
Am I Ashamed Of My Eyes??
Sincerely speaking, Yes I am. I feel bad saying this. I am not insecure about my eye colour though. I just don't want to look so silly when talking to others or feeling embarrassed about myself. I have cried several times before about the way people talk trash about my appearance, the thing is some people give nice comments while others give nasty comments.
Perfection Or Not?
I don't seek perfection. I have read that it's common for teenagers to have the feeling of fitting in, and I don't always think I fit in. Because if I fit in I won't get so noticed most times when entering a room.
I had a friend before who loved gaining others attention always I had to distance myself from her because it seems that she was always seeking validation from others in everything she does.
What do you think?
What do you think? How can I handle this. Is it that I'm not mature enough or I am just overthinking this whole thing? I know I shouldn't care about what people say or body shakers but I think it has gotten to the extent that I have heard too much of it since childhood and I just can't forget it. They say Bad memories are harder to forget
What Can I do?
What should I do about it? Own it?
Have you felt this way before about a part of yourself?
What have you done to overcome this?
Is this normal for teenagers to feel this way?
Thank you for reading and your time