A sort of white noise mixed with the soothing sound of constant movement of the metal. This is how I remember my few train trips to the countryside when I was just a child. I have a vivid image I can't take out of my mind and I often smile thinking about my childhood summers. I felt happier in that train like I was going to the end of the Earth.
There is me sitting in the middle of the metal box. I am close to my destination and I know there are people eager to come down. They open the doors of the train beforehand and I am scared but still I sit there to inhale the wind. I wish I could catch it and take it with me...You know, like putting it inside a jar. I am mesmerised. It's summer and yellow fields of sunflowers bathe my eyes. I look at them trying to grasp them forever in my memory. So many flowers, the white noise makes me feel like it's all happening so fast. I am afraid to move closer to look in awe. I sit still and let the train move me right and left. It's like I'm in a comforting swing and rapid images flash before my eyes like film on a projector. Am I there yet? The train stops. I often thought as a child what would happen if I would just climb on a train and see where it takes me? How about travelling for a long time with it? I liked the way I could sit still and look on the window and let the train just take me.... Just take me wherever it goes...
We perceive time differently when we are children. I remember summers passing by so fast. I was sad having to return to a concrete box called apartment. I would have loved to just sit and watch my grandmother milk the cow and me running on the vast green meadows. Free. Absolutely free, running on that field like it's the best place on the face of the world. I grew up mostly in the city and the countryside was a short summer escape. I was almost in tears everytime when I had to go back. It felt unnatural.. This urban living. Even as a child I could not understand it. I don't... Even now.
I believe in having the audacity of wanting to be free. I also believe that we will all have to go through struggles until we'll get there. Why? Why do we have to conform? Why obey the rules our parents did when it's obvious it led them to rather sad boring lives? Is there nothing to happen after retirement? To sit and wait for death while cooking and caring for nephews is all there is? Where is the LIFE going out of these people? Where are their dreams, hobbies, hopes, ideals?
A lot of individuals are ready with a bag of advices, but if you take a closer look to their lives, you can tell that you should not follow them. An unfulfilled person preaching how to live your life.... Isn't that sadly funny? Haha, while an inner tear falls down...
Now as an adult I can still hear my heart jumping when it comes to train travelling. I still hope to catch the window seat and then move on the corridor and open the window. I take my hand outside and let the wind blow it. I like to fight the wind just for the way it makes me feel. When I take a walk outside and it's windy... For a short moment I close my eyes and inhale. Inhale the moment. A tiny drop of bliss in my mere existence. A happiness emerging from the ether just like sunflowers grow from the ground. From a seed.
I often wonder about the purpose of it all. About how beautiful it is to discover your life's meaning and remain in child like curiosity. A lot of adults wanted to crush my bubble. I bottled it and put it on a jar with "indestructible" written all over and threw it onto the sky. The Universe opened its arms and grabbed my jar forever. I have an almighty guardian of my spirit. I feel I am still in that train, moving me right and left, allowing me to stare at the biggest sunflower of them all: my life. And I hear the sound of metal and I can smell the wind. And the train just takes me, just takes me wherever it goes....
I will end this article with a quote I absolutely adored, a quote that inspired me to write this
" What makes night within us may leave stars."
Victor Hugo
That's why at night is always good to look up... To see your stars....
This is my latest article from my personal blog https://maryhasnolamb.wordpress.com/2020/09/19/i-threw-a-jar-towards-the-universe/
Have a lovely day and toodle loo!
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