For quite some time now, my wife and I have been toying with the idea of returning back to Australia. We have spent the better part of nearly two decades living in Europe, far from our families. When we were just the two of us... it was not such a big deal, as we could just pack up and move at anytime... but now that we have two girls, well... the move becomes more and more difficult as time passes.
When the older one was born, we had played with the idea of returning... but the lifestyle here was just so nice. Likewise when the second one was born... however, this past year has really put our minds in a bit of a different perspective. We definitely feel like fish out of water, people in a foreign land... a comfortable one, but still very far away from family. Especially on my wife's side, where they have a large family that is very close.
... also, our families are starting to get older, and our parents are getting to the age when it more and more difficult to travel. There will come a time when travelling to the other side of the planet will be too difficult for them. Well, and this year, there was the impossibility of travel!
The longer we stay in Europe, the more that our girls will identify and make their lives here... and it will be difficult for us to return back to Australia, especially if they chose to live here! In which case, we would have the same separation problem... just over a different generation!
So... during the last year, we have been solidifying the idea to return back to our homeland. Due to the crazy uncertainty of the travel and all the uprooting plans (mostly some administrative stuff...), we've kept this a bit of a secret from the girls. I've found it crazily hard to do that... every time we drive into school, I keep thinking of the news that I'm withholding from them, the one that will turn their world upside down.
We have been dropping hints about how nice Australia is... and we keep mentioning the things we are missing with our families in Australia. The family get togethers, the grandparents, the cousins... all the birthdays and holidays that they are having without us!
We have now started to reach a point when the plan to uproot is becoming slightly clearer... there is still the wide range of up to a year from now, but it could well be less. So, my wife and I made the pact that we would tell our children what we had planned... tomorrow. I'm really not looking forward to telling them... I suspect that the little one won't really understand what is happening until we are actually leaving.... but the older one might take it much harder. She has her friends, and the time growing up here...
... still, people and families move all the time, and we aren't in a world of broken people... but somehow that logical and rational thought isn't really that much comfort when you are going to be the one that breaks the heart of your child.
It is a day that I have been dreading for nearly a year now, but it is something that needs to be done. I suspect that tomorrow will be a day of tears for everyone, but it will be a huge relief for me to no longer keep a secret from the kids. I have no idea how people keep important secrets for so long, this one has eaten away at me over all this time and it just makes me miserable when I see them enjoying their life here... knowing that we hold the idea that will tear them away from this place.
However, things could be much worse... we will be leaving one place and returning to a welcoming family. We will have all sorts of support, and we should be able to find our feet fast enough... who knows, maybe it will be time for a career change at the same time? I love music, but I do tire of the freelance musician lifestyle. I'm not a fan of travelling, and the constant "on-top-form" life and work and the constant jostling for position and recognition... well, I never liked it and I could see myself as being quite happy to not play that game anymore!
Who knows what the future will hold after the move... it is strange that we both arrived in Europe so many years ago with only a suitcase of clothes and a violin... and we have built up such a comfortable and enjoyable life here. One that we are loathe to leave... but it is time to throw it all back in and roll the dice again... we want to be closer to our families, and that isn't possible if we live on the wrong side of the world.
At some point, there are things that are more important than work, money or any other considerations... I just hope that our children won't be too sad to leave their friends and familiar home and restart in a new but also strangely familiar land.
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