i'll get back to you in some depth on this later, perhaps, or maybe the following will suffice.
You are right, it is not easy, but with practice and persistence it will become easier. Somewhat repeating what i wrote in my original post above, yet in different ways and with additions, this may help some more:
Do your best to always** recognise** (or at least just hold the possibility it could be this way) that,
- The other person is you.
- The other person is like a mirror reflecting to you some of the unharmonious parts of you (the unintegrated emotions, inner tensions almost always caused due to trauma in early childhood) that you are unaware of.
That does not mean the other is reflecting an exact image, but more like they are acting in a way which evokes a particular shade of feeling within you, a feeling which you have felt before, many times, yet have not yet felt fully (but let yourself be distracted in some way), because no-one taught you how to fully feel these uncomfortable feeling which arise when we are up-set..
The other person has been activated by One True Self (the real you) to act in this seemingly unloving way to give you the opportunity to fully feel this particular feeling (while ideally being loving to the apparent other (the mirror), or if yet unable to be loving, to mentally dismiss [even thank] them for bringing you the message).
The message has now been delivered to you, yet you still need to receive it, not just leave it at your feet. To receive the message, the feelings, the bodily sensations, need to be given your undivided attention, like cradling your inner child in your arms and loving her completely in the present moment.
With repeated practice, your inner child will gradually begin to trust that you will give her your undivided attention when it is feeling upset, and not yell at the neighbour, or smoke, or overeat, or distract yourself in any way. Then inner child will gradually relax until the tensions are relaxed, thereby no longer attracting people or events to upset you to evoke that particular feeling again. Although still sometimes someone will come to poke you to keep you alert, to test you, but you will be able to laugh and hug them and be unconditionally loving. Maybe the neighbours will change their behaviour, but you will no longer be upset. Maybe they will not and you may choose to move elsewhere yet still not be upset. Not much point in moving until you've received and integrated the message, or a new messenger (mess ender) will come to poke you again in your new location.
This way of integrating stuck emotions (the cause of the upsets) is instructed meticulously by Michael Brown in The Presence Process book. I'll be please to help you get access to a copy if you are unable to buy one.
Feel free to ask more questions. I hope this has helped in some way.
Namaste
Atma