The exact thing Eva dreaded the most was already happening to her. She would be turning 25 years in three days times with no traces of a single man in her life. It's not something she wished for, yet it can't be helped either.
Eva has always been rejecting every guy that came her way and preferred suitors too. To her, they weren't the right match for her, one minute they sweep her off her feet, the next second they turn her off. She is never stable with her feelings for any man as such it's been difficult for her to start up a serious relationship with anyone.
Often people think she might be crazy, some think she is just weird, while others believe she has a past she couldn't overcome. Funny as it may be, Eva has never really had any past, not with any man before so why was it still very difficult for her to love and be open to any man? Why does she keep hurting herself trying to be who she isn't?
25 years is not the benchmark for maturity. It's not even a criterion for going into a serious relationship with someone or committing to marriage.
Some years ago Eva thought she has finally met the one, I mean he was a better description of a perfect man for Eva, one that seemed not to have any flaws. He was a little out of her spec but Eva didn't care any less as he was still okay regardless.
Months after, what Eva thought to be perfection started manifesting. She bundled up feelings for the so perfect guy in the process of their friendship. With like and similar interests, they both couldn't hide what they thought to be love and so they started expressing their feelings much more and pretty often from the nan's end.
Poor Eva assumed this was it, she was finally gonna start up a serious relationship with someone she thought to have loved, speak of infatuation, it could have been the major drive of her emotions, even without her knowledge.
A few weeks after everything seemed to have been falling into place, challenges from left, right, and center kicked in. Poor Eva tried reading and deciphering her mind to know what exactly was going on but she just couldn't find answers to her problems.
There wasn't an exact issue, her mind and heart just went off. More like she had been under a spell and just got switched off.
She did everything possible to figure out what was wrong with her but all effort showed nothing was wrong with her and she was just fine and doing perfectly well. Then what was going on with her she wondered. What seemed to be paradise to her became a nightmare overnight.
What and why exactly did she like this guy in the first place? She couldn't tell.
She doubt she was desperate because at the time she was barely 20 years, so what really pushed her into believing she needed a man in her life?
There wasn't any pressure from anywhere either. What exactly could have happened to her? And why did she suddenly lose all feelings for the same guy she got all lovey-dovey with some time ago?
Eva couldn't help but reminisce those days now that she would be turning 25 years and she knew too well that all eyes will be on her to talk and question her life.
Her mind was worsening the whole matter with the way she was being bothered.
She hasn't really had any problem being single since she was born, so why now? Why is she feeling the way she is feeling now?
Why is her mind suddenly playing games with her?
If only she could teach her mind to be as harden as her heart.
If only she could control it as much as she does with her heart.
The heart is just a space but the mind has a voice of its own and the noise is bothering her much more than she could withstand. It's out of her control because most times even when she doesn't have these thoughts, some questions just pop up in her mind, and in the long run, it is being registered in her subconscious.
Poor Eva seems to have no control over her own mind and it seems her mind is working against her, and there is absolutely nothing she could do about it.
It took Eva hours to finally realize herself and come to her senses. She wasn't gonna let some part of her control her life. She had to take full custody of her life by being in charge. She knew too well to do away with the mindset of being afraid because she was turning 25 years.
There is nothing wrong with turning 25 years without a man in my life she exclaimed.
It is my life and I do what I know is good for me and what makes me happy.
I shouldn't be living my life walking on eggshells and trying to live the way people want me to. Either way, I can't continue letting my mind consume a greater part of me by ruling and controlling me.
I own my mind, my heart, and my body, so I should be the one in charge and not the other way round.
I am turning 25 years in three days and I am going to embrace my new age with so much joy and gladness. I won't let anything steal my happiness and not even my mind can stop me
Eva said these words to herself as she walked up the stairs leading to her room. Though it took so much courage from her to do and say what she said but it's something Eva needed to have said to herself and reminded herself of, all those years of living in fear of turning 25 years. Though it took a while, it was better than never.
ML: Age isn't and shouldn't be a barrier to anything one desires and wants to do in life. They say age is just a number but I say age isn't just a number but also isn't a criterion for anything in life, our mind is the major problem so we should deal with that first
Still your baby girl ;)
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30 March 2022 @ Wednesday