It was around 5 years ago when I worked in a hilly town. Alia, 24, was my coworker. Someone said she was dating two boys, but I didn’t believe him. However, one day, while having our lunch in the office canteen, she accepted she was in love with two boys, and both of them were her equally loved ones. She knew I was a part-time story writer, so she told me everything frankly. The special thing was that both Alia’s boyfriends knew each other and were comfortable with such a relationship.
Now the question is, can a person love two people at the same time?
Alia answered in the affirmative, "Yes, I am in love with two, and this relationship I am in is called a polyamorous relationship, and the practice of such relationships is known as polyamory. My boyfriends and I don’t see any problem with this."
I looked at her suspiciously.
She further added, "Now people all over the world are coming out openly about such relationships."
I asked, "Really! What is ‘polyamorous relationship‘?"
As Alia told me, "Polyamory comprises two words from Greek and Latin. Poly and Amor is a combination of two words. Poly means many, or more love. The practise of loving more than one person at the same time.
I was looking at her face in amazement as I saw no hesitation on her face.
Alia was speaking in a flow, "One of the biggest and most important conditions of polyamory is honesty and transparency in relationships, every partner involved in this relationship knows each other very well, and only after everyone’s consent does the relationship move forward."
The story of Alia and her lover, in her own words, "I was around 13-14 years old when I fell in love for the first time. We were both happy with each other. Everything was going well, and that’s when I started getting attracted to someone else. But, I did not want to leave my first partner either."
I was still curious. "But how was it possible that a girl could have two boyfriends at the same time?"
"The teenage years were very confusing and painful for me. I was going through a serious ‘identity crisis." Many of my acquaintances even gave me the tag of ‘characterless". Many said that I was habitual of meeting with different boys and that I should go to a psychiatrist."
She didn’t stop here but continued, "I also went to the counselor. My counsellor understood me to a great extent, but at the same time said that how can a guy accept his girlfriend has many more boyfriends? The counselor’s words once again filled me with guilt."
She continued, "Meanwhile, I went abroad for further studies. The atmosphere there helped me a lot to understand myself. While there, I read many books on modern relationships, and evolution. There, I met many more people who, like me, accepted themselves and were not ashamed of who they were."
Gradually, I came out of the guilt and embarrassment and started adopting my ideology. I found my partner in another person abroad. He was much older and wiser than me. I spoke openly to him about my nature. He said that he had no problem with my thoughts and way of life.
We loved each other and started living life to the fullest. But then everything changed when I started getting closer to someone else. That friend of mine agreed with ‘polyamory‘ in principle, but in reality, he could not tolerate it.
He started talking to me like this, for example, "Do you think I am not a good friend for you or do you find me lacking in love? Aren’t our personal life moments good enough that you’re becoming attracted to someone else? Since I had already told him everything, now I had nothing more to explain to him."
After a few years, I came back to India. Now that I had accumulated a lot of information about polymers, I started researching as well as reading more about them.
Over time, I came to know that many people are ‘polyamorous‘. Now I know at least 100 people who consider themselves to be ‘polyamorous‘. I know about online communities and support groups for this on social media where one can talk openly. There is a similar closed group on Facebook. These groups organize events for polyamorous people, like meetings, get-togethers, and speed dating.
"I also went to one such event, and I felt good I went. I felt as if I was not alone. In this way, my life started getting back on track."
Meanwhile, I met Meer on a dating app. After a few meetings, I told Meer everything about myself. We both lived this relationship with complete honesty and with no pressure.
Alia continued, "After six months of my relationship with Meer, I started liking someone else. I wanted to date him. I told Meer this, and he allowed me to meet him. It is not that he did not feel bad or felt jealous, but he expressed his feelings decently. His behavior impressed me. I knew, Meer would support me even further. Later, he also met my other partner. In simple words, I have two boyfriends and both of them know each other. Although my primary partner is Meer, I spend most of my time with him."
Well, the biggest challenge of being polyamorous is that you have very little time left to give to yourself. It is difficult for people to maintain a relationship, and I manage two relationships at once. In such a situation, time-management becomes very difficult.
"People say bad things about me, then I give this answer‘ I have told my parents that I am polyamorous. They have accepted me to some extent, but they understand little about the concept of polyamory."
They are okay with Meer and also visit our house, but my family is not comfortable with my two partners. I don’t talk about either of them at home.
If you ask about marriage, I am against the institution of marriage. I think it is a patriarchal institution, and its basis is more economic than social. But if they put pressure on me for marriage or if my thoughts changed in the future, then I would like to marry Meer.
Even now, there are many people who, knowing about me, call me characterless, but I have stopped feeling bad. If someone speaks too much, I will say straight, "Yes, I like to have relationships with different men, and I live my own way?"
Fortunately, I met Meer at a restaurant when Alia was with him.
Meer said that the thing that he liked the most about Alia was that she was honest with him. Meer said, "Alia is a very intelligent girl. She can impress anyone with her thoughts. At the beginning of the relationship, I was a little afraid that if she found someone better than me, she would leave me. But gradually, I understood that no matter what happens, she will always be with me."
Meer said that he felt bad at times when he wanted to spend time with Alia and she was with his other partner. But then they express all their feelings to each other through conversation, and this settles things to a great extent.
Does Meer’s family know Alia? To this, he said, "My family members know Alia is my girlfriend, but I haven’t told them that Alia is polyamorous." I don’t think they will ever be able to accept it. Yes, my close friends definitely know about it."
According to Meer, the biggest challenge in a polyamorous relationship is communication. He said, "Sometimes your partner is so busy that you don’t even get time to talk to each other. In such a situation, there is a slight problem. However, the biggest beauty of this relationship is that it is beyond guilt. Be honest with each other, and you don’t have to hide anything from your partner.
#theinkwell Prompt "Is it possible to be in love with two people?"