My escape from pain (is it right or wrong?)

Immediately I saw this prompt, it brings back an old memory that I would love to share with you all. Escape is a big word that has transformed many lives either positively or negatively. There are times we just want to escape lots of things that inconvenience us but to do that we have to try harder. I never knew love could bring so much pain, social media portrays love like it's the best thing in the world, and the naive ones would want to follow the thread thinking that's the best decision.

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One tends to feel betrayed when you don't get what you want from the love you so cherished. I do ask myself, "Why can't there be perfect love?" I haven't gotten a perfect answer to it yet, you can help with it if you know what the perfect answer could be. A few years ago, a scenario happened to me that made me rule out love from my front-line list. Getting betrayed after sacrificing all you get can make someone traumatized if proper care isn't taken.

Just as with every other normal girl, I fell in love with someone I believed was the best for me then, and it was going well. I got lost in the excitement that I'd gotten someone who was made for me forgetting myself in the process. I was so blinded that I made him the priority, neglecting myself like I didn't matter at all, this was when I learned that "people will address you the way you address yourself".

The relationship wasn't toxic yet it had some toxicity in it, but as a lover girl I turned a blind eye and ear to it all. If you want to get to me just advise me against him, you automatically become my enemy. I'm so deeply in love that the only thing I can see in my partner's behavior is the fake love he professes. One day my friend decided to give me advice which she later wished she hadn't given me because of the way I reacted.

"Can you just take it slowly? Why are you making it look like you are the only one in a relationship", she started. I looked at her sternly because I knew where she was driving but I intentionally left to conclude her lectures before giving her a befitting reply. "This guy doesn't even love you but you are not seeing it, why are you acting this way?", she kept lamenting and the only thing I could do was stare at her. At that time, I was working as an auxiliary nurse who had little cash to spare so most of the time I helped my so-called boyfriend financially.

"He is using you, can't you see?", she continued. It was then I snapped at her, "Are you the one he is using?" that was my first question. She looked at me in surprise with her mouth wide open, I guess she couldn't believe her ears. "He lies every day to get money from you and give it to another woman and here you are going overboard over such a man" she continued. "I can handle myself, just stop talking bad about him because you don't like him or do you want to date him?", I replied.

At that point, she couldn't believe her ears and she decided to leave me to dance to the tunes myself. I continued to shower praises, love, and attention on my boyfriend until he decided to show his true nature, I guess he couldn't hide it anymore. He possibly can't keep it up for life, human behavior is just like smoke, and no matter how much we try to hide it, it will always find its way out for the works to see. I couldn't possibly forget how I got backstabbed.

September 8, 2017, was his birthday and as his girlfriend, I decided to pay him a visit with a gift unknown to me that he had gotten himself a good birthday gift. On getting to his residence, I met him in bed with another girl, that day was one of the worst days of my life. At that instant, I felt empty like life was out of me, I never saw that coming, or maybe I did see it but pretended not to. I rushed back home with the last strength in me, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. On getting home, I broke down completely.

I couldn't believe what I saw, it was like my world was crumbling right in front of me. "I told you he isn't worth it, but you never listen, see the outcome", my friend said while trying to calm down. The more she talked, the more I hated myself and whatever decision I had taken then. "I wished I had listened to you" was the only word I could utter out from my mouth while weeping profusely and uncontrollably. I was expecting him to be sober and probably come to apologize for what he'd done but instead, he blocked me up on all his social media handles.

That even surprised me more, "how can he be so callous?", I asked my friend, "I had known he wasn't the right one but you wouldn't just listen to me" she replied. I was shocked at his animalistic behavior and the next day, I felt sick. I was seriously ill because I wasn't okay mentally, physically, and emotionally, I had to undergo treatment after being admitted to the hospital for almost two weeks. I couldn't stop crying and imagining how wicked he could be.

"How will I escape this tormenting moment I'm in", was the only thing I could think of next. "Does love exist?" I kept asking myself then I concluded that love doesn't exist. I decided to lock up and forget about love, even if I love someone, I decided to keep whatever I felt to myself as the only means to escape the pain of the past. I don't know whether this is right ope wrong but this is the only escape route I had to let go of the pains I felt in the past.

Thanks for your time and your comments will be appreciated.

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