"I don't want to."
I said to myself when my teacher pointed his finger at me to speak in front. My classmates are laughing because they knew I never tried to be in front of many people. They are smirking while waiting for funny things to happen if I will be there. I know what they're thinking and I refused it from happening.
My classmates pulled me to stand up from my chair where I was sitting. I hold the writing table at the chair and force myself not to let go.
"John, this is for your own good. It will help you to escape yourself in the world of loneliness."
My teacher said and I thought he was correct. I stand up slowly while glaring at my classmates making fun of me.
I stand in the front near the board. I could tell even though I'm nodding. I don't need to look at their faces to learn that they're mocking me. I heard the cheering but I know they're just their way of making fun of a person.
I couldn't finish what I was going to say. I could not dare to see their faces. My teacher tapped my shoulder and placed his palm at my head.
"It's alright. You don't need to be afraid. You are an amazing guy."
My teacher said and when I looked at him he was smiling. For an instant, I felt his smile was genuine.
I stand up straight with closed eyes. My body is shaking because of not feeling comfortable standing in the crowd. But I forced myself. I restrained myself from thinking of running away.
"I do-o-o-n't l---i---ke," My mouth is shivering but I continue talking.
"People or anyone watching me. I felt like they only wanted to hurt me or to bully me."
I said to everyone while remembering why I became like this.
"I came from a poor family. My clothes were too unfashionable and too old. Several times in my elementary days. They pulled my short because they knew I wasn't wearing any underwear. Of course, I was not just ashamed but also furious. But I ran away and cried. Since then I decided to be alone for the rest of my life. I didn't want to be involved in their wrongdoings and afraid to be laughed at because of my appearance."
"It's because of what I experienced when I was younger. I don't want to belong to any group because for sure I will just be a laughing stock to them.."
I said and nodded. My teacher claps his hands.
"Not all people are like that John. Yes, there are people like that because even you or even I or even some of your classmates will think of bullying someone. But I want you to understand that escaping your fear or hiding from it will not help you. You will just make things worse because you're not proving yourself to be someone who shouldn't be underestimated."
My teacher said and he put his left arm into my shoulder.
"All of you should learn that the world is not revolving because of what you want. People will make an action because of what you want. Just like all of you. They want to do things according to their wants. Don't be afraid of doing things that you really want. Life is no fun if you're just following what others think. You only live once, no pause, fast forward and most of all no rewind. Live and do what's in the present so regret will not be found in the future."
I didn't know what was with the words of my teacher. Slowly my tears are falling slowly.
"It's alright John. Let it out so tomorrow or the next time you will go out. The world surrounds you will show colours and you will forget the dark world where you chose to live."
"It's not too late and it will never be for someone who wants to be happy."
He said and most of my classmates came to me saying sorry. Some of them said, "I thought it's nothing personal." Some said, "We didn't know that you felt pain."
I'm happy and it's all because of my teacher's words. He enlightened my crowded and fearful mind.
Thank you for reading