Endless Rain

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I was young. I was stupid to think that she was the girl with me forever. I was not aware, no, basically I was aware but I chose to ignore the difference. Looks, status, and even social life. Of course, we fell in love with each other. I thought our love back then was real.

She was pretty and I was ugly. She was rich and I was poor. She was flying and I was walking. She was unreachable but yet I tried reaching her to subside. I was a fool to think that my love for her was enough to make her happy.

Gossips. Bad jokes. Criticism and more. She felt that when people saw her holding my hand. She endured it but not for the rest of her life. I saw her crying but told me nothing. She didn't want to see me but lied to do something. She's smiling but one tear dropped in her eye. I ignored it. I acted like I was insensitive for me to notice it. I did that not to make her feel more pain.

She pulled me but I decided to push her. She cried but I smiled at her. I dwelled the pain to look strong. I lied that she lied, about not learning what's going on. I thought that was better. I thought that was the best for her. I devoured the pain for her to smile genuinely again.

She was gone. I opened my eyes, blinded as the tears continued falling. I asked myself how this could happen to me. I kept on screaming, screaming until no words came out. I kept doing that because I heard no sound from my scream. Yet, I felt like being deafened from the endless calling by her name.

A decade has passed already. I knew very well that it was long ago. Even though I knew, it doesn't mean I can forget her easily. The feelings maybe but the sweet memories I had with her were unforgettable. I regret letting her go but I just didn't want her to keep bearing the pain just because of me.

I wish not to see her anymore because of the mistakes I made long ago. However, fate did very well in playing my life. It keeps on twisted, whenever I feel happy it will do something to change it into sadness.

Yes, I saw her with her family. She's still beautiful like before. She still had that charming look on her face. She still had those pretty eyes. She almost saw me but I hid. There's no way I'd show her how pathetic I am without her.

"Why are you doing this?"

She said to me long ago but I answered her by just walking away and stopped seeing her since then.

After knowing that she's so happy now. I should be happy but I didn't understand why uneasy feelings keep punching my chest. Why were my tears falling after seeing her? I tried to smile but why was it hard for me to be happy with her.

I may still love her until now but it doesn't mean I should have her. I love her so much that I wish her happiness. Even though I chose to walk with thorns. I still preferred to let her be happy rather than me.

Even the rain won't stop falling. Even the dark remains and light doesn't come. I still want her to be happy even if it means killing me and abandoning my own happiness.

END...
image is mine

mrnightmare

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