I finally let go // inkwell prompt #49

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It can really be very hard letting go..Faith was a very good friend of mine, beautiful,friendly and godly..before we became friends I used to admire her from afar because I wasn't so sure she would want to associate with me,I was this young guy with a very shy attitude and hardly talk. I only talk when in the midst of my very close friend.

So for weeks or probably months we would just stare at each other or just greet casually even though I craved for something more which I cant really place. I didn't know why I wanted us to be close because I was obviously afraid of love,I was afraid of falling in love,I couldn't even associate with ladies then, hugging innocently maybe out of excitement then was a very big issue.

I could recall back then in my high school days when we resumed for the term and as you know everyone was so excited to see one another and then there was this lady friend of mine that was super excited to see me and then opened her arms wide to embrace me,I didn't know what came over me,I dodged the hug and greeted her casually... Mehn! I didn't forgive myself after I realized how bad she must have felt because of my...should I say shy or naive attitude.

Am sorry I had to digress,let me bring us back into the picture. On the long run faith and I became friend somehow,you know that kind of connection you can't really explain because both party have been longing for each other. We got talking and got along but then because of my naive and shy attitude,I drew a line, I told her we were just going to be friends.
I could remember asking her if it's possible to be best friends as opposite sex,she said yes and well we gave it a try and moved as best of friend.

Then the unexpected happened which was really not part of the plan. We crossed the line of just be friend even without any formality of going into a relationship,we really can't explain how everything turned out. We discovered we couldn't do without reaching out to each other, most time we would be on call for over and hour,a day wouldn't pass without we talking.
Everything was happening so fast that I couldn't control,I never planned to fall in love nor be in a relationship anytime soon,what am I going to do? Am still very young and have a long way to go, could this be love or infatuation?
All these and many more question were on my mind.
I can never forget the day she said to me "I love you", mhen! I felt like I was on top of the world,I could not control my feelings through out that period as the thought lingered in my mind.

Amidst all these I gained admission and was set to leave for school,she was also planning to go to school. On hearing the news of my admission she had this mixed feeling I didn't figure out early. She was happy I gained admission because it's progress on my path but sad at the same time because I was going to be expose to the real world and she wasn't ready to lose me to another lady out there.
At this point, I didn't know what to call us,I can't say we are in a relationship we were just two inseperable individual who were just flowing with the river of the moment we were in, there was no direction for what we were doing and I also had a lot of question on my mind.

It was really difficult to be sincee with myself,I knew I wasn't ready but I was in this so called unplanned relationship somehow,she wasn't ready too but she was in,we didn't even know our left form our right,feelings caught up with us and overtook us and now we are entangled. This made me remember that statement in the Holy Scriptures that says

Do not awaken love

I think I awakened it and it burned like it wasn't going to go out for eternity

At a point I had to seat down and tell my self the truth,this lady is feeling very Jelous and calls more than ever before to secure his so called boyfriend who is also confused and in a state of dilemma. I knew I needed to savage the situation for our good as it was obvious that we were just obsessed about each other,we've not really understood life,we were just some teenagers exploring what it feels like to have a lover.

I called faith one fateful day and invited her over to my school because I needed to clear the air and make things right. I had to tell her I can't continue anymore,we need to get out lives and priority in order first before anything else and if God says we would be after all these then we can boldly move on and make things former

She took it the other way round,she thought I already met someone as this as been her usual fear. Well I met nobody,I told her. We needed to grow and see life beyond what we are seeing now. She tried to contain the information while with be by keeping a bold face but when she got home she cried her heart out and refused to be consoled for days. I on the other end cried as well, the thought of her and moments spent with her keeps playing in my head but I felt it was the best to do to help us get our priority and lives in order.

We went our ways after that and tried to become just friends which was very hard on her path,this pained me more because I thought we could be friends on a platonic level but it proved really impossible. It was really a struggle keeping up with her afterward,l as we were like strangers. But it was good I let go because years after we came back as good friends after seeing and exploring life we now laugh at those memories. Today we are not together as lovers but we now know better ; distinguishing between love and infatuation.

Thanks for reading my blog


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