Sleeping with a Princess ‘love and despair’

moon
Image by susan-lu4esm from Pixabay.com

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE BEGINNING AND FOREVER


Mhirfa: *her head on his arm, looking at him longingly*

“Do ya remember the night, I… left ya in bed?”

Mat: *thinks, one memory comes to mind that has enough impact to be recollected*

“Yeah. I think I remember that… I have a good memory after all.”

Mhirfa: *trembling a bit*

*a tear rolled down her eyes and fell on his arm*

“I… tried to kill ma’self that night,”

Mat: *shock, furious… in a whirlpool of emotions*

“Wh… why the hell would you do that!?”

Mhirfa: *stuttering*

*she can barely open her mouth to say anything, while holding her tears at bay*

“...be..cause, ya… fell in love with her,”

Mat: *his emotional maelstrom suddenly died down, like being in the eye of the storm*

Mhirfa: *her tears roll down like waterfalls*

*her emotions bursting from the seams*

“I… wanted ya to be free,”

Mat: ‘It is not what I want,’

*a hurricane of thoughts ran rampant on his head*

Mhirfa: “I tried to act normal, and just ignore everythin’ but… It just hurt so much.”

Mat: *silent*

Mhirfa: “…if only I could feel nothin’,”

Mat: ‘I’ll end up sleeping with either a doll or a corpse... if you did that’

Mhirfa: “…I know am just a burden, and am just holding ya back…”

*pauses*

“When am gone everythin’ will be fine.”

Mat: *finally opened his lips, but the words just won’t come out as he wants it to*

“It won’t…”

‘...It will never be.’

Mhirfa: “I don’t know why ya’re still here, maybe out of pity.. or do ya still love me?”

Mat: *his heart shrank as he looked at her*

*he put his hand on her cheeks, wiping a tear with his thumb*

“It’s a want… being here is what I want,”

Mhirfa: “I don’t understand…”

*frustration apparent on her face*

Mat: *smiled weakly*

“I loved and pitied a lot of people… but I left them all behind… cause… it is not what I want.”

Mhirfa: *frustrated*

“Do… do you still love me?”

Mat: *held her close*

“Your hand, your lips, your body, your anxiety, fear, jealousy, anger… EVERYTHING,”

“...I want all of it.”

“That is what I want, this — is what, I want... love and pity can take a hike for all I care.”

Mhirfa: *pouts*

Mat: *exhaled sharply*

“I am just really scared…”

*held her tighter*

Mhirfa: “Of what?”

Mat: “You…”

Mhirfa: *long pause*

“I am the one dying… why are you the one being scared?”

( diagnosed with cancer at the age of 27, was told with good medication and regular check-up she still live happily for 10 years approximately… she didn’t have good medication and regular check up for 3 years, but that story is for another time )

Mat: “I am the one who is going to be left behind, in this empty room… and the kids.”

*his voice raise enough to get his point across*

Mhirfa: *tears started to roll again*

Mat: “When I found someone good enough and I thought…"

*trying to get his thoughts together*

“...I am just not enough for the kids, I don’t know if I could live through the grief…”

*pauses*

“I just want someone I can trust to be there when I am not myself anymore and not get pick-up by some random stranger… and then everything just goes in flames.”

*exhaled heavily*

“...the kids deserve better.”

( they have a 10 year old boy and a 3 year old girl )

Mhirfa: *put her hand on his face then wipe away his tears*

“Ya’re more than enough,”

Mat: *discomposed*

“I can’t stop working, I’ll be gone for months… and I got no one to trust…I…”

*looks at her*

“...I… don’t even really know anymore… I am just scared.”

Mhirfa: *smiled*

*move closer to his face*

“You know, I want to see the kids grow up… be part of everything…”

“I want to take care of you when your grey and old—”

Mat: *cuts her speech short*

“You don’t have to.. just take care of yourself,”

Mhirfa: “I’ll live to see the day our kids live their own lives.”

Mat: “That’s… like fifteen years from now,”

Mhirfa: “I will…”

Mat: “…then that is all I ask of you…”

*kisses her on the forehead*

*whispered on her ear*

“I will be with you till the bitter end,”

Mhirfa: *smiles*

“Do you think… other couples, talk to each other like this?”

Mat: *scoffs*

“I seriously don’t care…”

Mhirfa: *looks at him bright eyed*

*kissed him*



Notes:

He eventually fell asleep like that for 13 years ( in time of writing ) and counting.

Legend:

Character, “Spoken word”, ‘Unspoken word, action, ( comment/side note )

* * * time or scenario * * *


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