Another bright morning yet a dark mood. I did nothing all day yesterday but I feel like I carried the world on my shoulders. I groan as Nit, my giant furball of a cat almost sits on my face.
"Get off." I mumble and he just mewls. He wants food. I groggily get up feeling anything but up to the task. The small creature prances along side me knowing it's gonna get its big plate of breakfast. I scoff. At least, one of us doesn't have to worry about bills.
After feeding Nit, I take time to groom myself up to continue the task I've been up to for over six months. Job-hunting. It doesn't help that it's the festive season because everyone isn't hiring. I sunk as low as being willing to be a dishwasher. But hey, what's a Master's degree in Architecture going to get me? A lot but not before I starve to death.
Feeling satisfied with how I look, I pick up the brown envelope. I can't even keep count any more on how many of these I've distributed and how many I've emailed out. It sucks.
My phone rings just as I'm about to head out and I don't need to look to know who's calling.
"Mom." I deadpan. This is now like a morning ritual. She calls me everyday now to reassure me that I don't need to work. If you think about it, I don't need to.
"My baby girl. When are you coming home?"
"Mom, I'm job hunting remember? I can't come home now." I struggle with the phone in my ear and fixing the bracelet on my hand. A gift from my grandma who's passed. There's a pregnant pause which keeps me on my toes. When mom stays this silent, it means she's about to release a quote of wisdom...
"I knew you lacked a few brain cells but did the numbers escalate with such short notice? You're job hunting in December? You're either stupid or just plain dumb."
My eyebrows furrow with what she could be implying. Sadly, my mom is right. I seem to be really slow at processing information these days. Far behind the lady that graduated first class honors.
"Get to the point woman."
"It's Holidays you big fat piece of cracker. Who'd be hiring during holidays? I thought you were smart? You can start sending applications from January 10th. Now, you either come home, or I'll come drag you myself." The dial tone meets my ears.
I sigh. Of course I realized it's December. As always, Mom's right but I thought it'd be different. So I immediately book a flight for home.
∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
Oscar, my older brother nearly crushes me to powder with his huge arms when he hugs me. The man's a solid 6'3 and a mass of muscle yet he keeps forgetting I'm a woman. After chiding him with a lot of smacking, I greet my sister-in-law who's very pregnant. Her bulging stomach fills the room. Soon enough, Mom barrels towards me, all rainbows and sunshine. Complete opposite of who I am. I think I took after Dad's grumpy nature.
The grumpy old man appears right after my thought and the lightness in the room wanes. He mutters something and it's all I can do not to turn and leave. I and my old man have never been on good terms. Not since I turned 18 and decided to chase my dreams instead of his. He's always wanted a doctor and a lawyer for children. My brother happened to have passion for medicine thus making him the golden child.
"She finally returns." He says halfway through dinner. My fork freezes just as it gets to my mouth with a piece of chicken. Here we go...
"Adam." My mother warns, glaring in his direction.
"What? I'm just stating. She forgot she had family, why didn't she just keep it that way? I bet she needs money." He retorts while staring daggers at me.
My throat clogs and my stomach churns with undigested food. This is the exact reason I haven't returned home since going off to college. This is the exact reason why I decided to work for myself even though I was born with a silver spoon. This is why I refuse any help from my family.
"Dad." My brother's voice is hard while my sister-in-law squirms uncomfortably in her seat.
"It's fine. Let him be the grumpy dwarf he is." My mother sputters her drink at the same time my father squeals 'excuse me?' I turn to look him fully In the eye.
"You heard me you little dwarf. You're as short as your temper." I've had enough. It's time to settle this feud once and for all. I wasn't lying. My Dad's as short as a... Basically, he's a dwarf and it's a miracle I and my brother took none of his genes. Well, except for his hair. I'm 5'10.
He stands to his feet, "I won't let you disrespect me in my house young lady."
I get up too. "Respect? You're one to talk. Have you ever respected me? As your daughter? As your child? No! All you do is talk me down and point out reasons why I'm not good enough."
My Mom moves to speak but he raises his hand signifying she stay put. Yes. It's a Daddy-Daughter confrontation.
"All I get from you Dad is how much I should be more like Oscar. In case you've forgotten, I can't impregnate women," Oscar sputters this time, "and I'm pretty sure Mom very much appreciates that someone else in this house apart from her owns a well functioning brain."
"Hey–" Oscar starts but is cut off by my father.
"You insolent little cup of spoilt tea–"
"Seriously what's with the lame insults..." My brother mutters which earns him a smack from his wife.
"–Is that why you decided to abandon your family? I raised you better than that. I hoped you'd come home and let me apologise for my faults. But no. You inherited your mother's arrogance and thought you can do it all on your own." My father yells, his face flustered. I'm dumbstruck because my father has never lost his cool.
"I had to watch from the sidelines how my daughter struggled to pay her tuition while working. While I felt proud, I felt like a total failure. Do you have any idea?"
"Dad–" I call out. My voice small.
"Don't Dad me. I've always been proud of you and whatever you become. I'm just hurt that you never gave me a chance to make amends." Now his voice is mellow and a pin drop silence saturates the room.
"I've always believed in you Josie. You're my little peanut."
That does it. I rush to his side and tackle him in a hug. I've always been his little fire-cracker. His little peanut and now I realize just how much I must have hurt him. How much I've missed him.
"I'm sorry Dad." I bawl as I bury my face in the crook of his neck. His hands pat my head like it did when I was little.
"It's okay Peanut. Just give me time to say I'm sorry." I nod my head frantically, relieved at the progression. Just then a hiss grabs our attention. We all turn to the source. My sister-in-law.
She looks at us sheepishly. "My water just broke." And all hell breaks loose.