Jean-Luc and Ébène-Cerise Dubois loved all their grandchildren dearly, and stayed in contact with all of them throughout the first year of the Covid-19 pandemic – but of course, their decision to bring their granddaughter Louisa Dubois Chennault with them on their move to Virginia from Louisiana so she could get into a program for gifted students run by a family friend meant they had contact with her every day.
Louisa was a certified child prodigy at nine years old, and to make matters even more interesting, one of the local child prodigies had found, befriended, and proposed marriage to her – the grandchild of that family friend, equally precocious nine-year-old Vertran Stepforth.
Monsieur and Madame Dubois enjoyed the episodes of La Romance De Vertran Et Louisa they got to witness, or sometimes listen in on because Louisa tended to put Vertran on speaker in their daily conversations. Glitter sets, dolls, arts, crafts, Lego sets, Beyblades, monster trucks … normal nine-year-old stuff until … .
“One of the things I worry about,” Vertran said to Louisa on this particular day, “is the way doing business has just changed so much since I started out at seven years old.”
“Well, Vertran, the world has just changed so much since Covid. It's September, and summer is going all year with no school in sight. Even the adults must be confused.”
“That's part of it, but then … well, I'll just text you what I'm talking about. While that's sending, what's going on is that I am getting approached to do product placements in my videos now because I have more than 100,000 subscribers on YouTube, and maxing out Threespeak for its size on Hive. It's September, and businesses want people to start looking at stuff they might want to buy for Christmas.”
“Okay, Vertran, your SMS is loading with the pic on my phone … anyway, this isn't like the regular ads on YouTube that folks usually click off?”
“No, this is you doing your video and having something in the background or using it on screen. The idea is that people trust you and so might try out what you have without you even telling them to do it. Mom says it's basically brainwashing in a gentle way, without you having to do surgery.”
“How do you open up somebody's head and wash their brain anyway, Vertran?”
“I don't know, but Dad says the procedure is happening to a lot of people.”
“Sounds dangerous, Vertran.”
“Right, which is why I'm not doing it. What I sent you has made my mind up even more.”
Silence, and then –.
“They want you to use THIS for a background?” Louisa said, and then cracked up laughing.
“Yes, ma'am,” Vertran said. “ 'Put an elf on your shelf for your helf and your welf,' – that's what they sent me to put up as my Zoom background.”
“I'm nine and I know this is stupid! I can spell!”
“See, Louisa, this is the problem. I thought that people get smarter as they get older, but that was sent to me by somebody grown, who then turned around and said to me when I said I couldn't do it, 'But I've known you since you were a baby – I changed your diapers!' ”
“But what does their changing your diapers have to do with anything?”
“And that's what I was thinking, Louisa, until I realized: some adults think every child is supposed to just obey them. No. I already know who my parents, grandparents, and teachers are, and my family circle. I don't have to do anything for anyone else.”
“Right on, Vertran.”
“The thing of it is, Louisa, people who are like this are always up to stupid. My dad is a retired Army major – what would he look like trying to order some Navy midshipmen around?”
“Oh, but your dad isn't stupid!”
“Exactly,” Vertran said. “He took one look at the elf, shelf, helf, and welf file, took the phone away from me, and said, 'Look, man, I know you had a lisp growing up, but you're not supposed to put it in writing! No, it's not cute at all – and let me tell you what else is not going to be cute if you do it again: call my son trying to get him to promote your trash business ideas. Do it again. I dare you.' ”
“You should really hire your dad into your company as your business secretary, Vertran. He can handle the foolishness out there.”
“Oh, he already volunteered – he said all such calls are going to be going through him first, and that I didn't have to tell anybody else no about product placement because his no would stand until I was 18. I was so relieved – that man just gave me back nine years of peace in my life! I love my dad!”
“Yep, he's going to make me a great father-in-law, Vertran!”
“Our families are both great families so you know all of it is going to be great, Louisa!”
“Yep, definitely, Vertran. It just adds so much peace to life, you know?”
“Which is why I asked you to marry me, not any of these other girls.”
“I really appreciate it, Vertran!”
“Also, you understand things … I like Ilene and Allison Hamilton a lot, and I love my cousins Gracie and Velma Trent, and I like their neighbors Eleanor, Edwina, and Amanda Ludlow. But nobody understands things like you do, Louisa.”
“The thing is, the elf he has on here is kinda cute – I mean, I'd put this elf on my shelf if he spelled health and wealth right.”
“Louisa, blow up the picture a little bit. When folks go wrong in business, sometimes they go all the way wrong.”
“Okay … oh, no … he didn't even take the iStock watermark off of here – he was supposed to pay for this picture of someone else's elf, but he didn't!”
“Out here stealing! Talking to me about my dirty diapers that I couldn't help as a baby, and he's out here stealing!”
“Wow, Vertran. Just wow!”
“Things are real out here in these business streets, Louisa! I see why people wait until they are grown to do this, but sometimes you have to work with the life that finds you when it finds you, and so I have to deal with these kinds of people! Just imagine if I had said yes, and not been paying attention! My whole brand would have been ruined – at nine, I gotta start all over because people want to steal elves and then make them talk like they haven't even seen my series on 'How to Survive Third Grade' or something!”
“I guess this is how big business people get caught up too, Vertran.”
“I'm telling you, a lot of adults out here don't get it!” Vertran said. “It was like I looked at that elf and the helf and welf thing and understood why the whole world is messed up!”
Louisa considered this for a long moment.
“Maybe not all messed up, Vertran. God still has us and our families in it, and we keep the mess down around us.”
A long moment, and then Vertran heaved a big sigh of relief.
“And this is another reason I'm marrying you, Louisa. You get it. Just nine years to go, and we're going to be plenty busy just keeping the mess down, so the time will fly by.”