Self reflection

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Alone, that's how I've felt ever since Ana left. The day of her funeral I met Donnie. He was very nice and tried his best to comfort me. For a while I didn't feel alone. It was until I realized I was the only one who could see him, that I realized I was truly alone. I mean, I literally had to create my own friend with my mind. I was miserable. I lay in bed remembering the day we met. She couldn't find her way to the school gym and I'd directed her. I was surprised that such a beautiful girl would talk to me. I had no idea a couple of months from then we'd be dating. We dated for like a year and a half. There was barely ever any fight. Even the few times we fought we'd always made up almost immediately. I was ready to do anything for her, and her for me. When I'd heard she'd been in a car accident I kept on thinking positively.

"She's okay" I kept on reassuring myself.

But now she's gone. And I've tried to accept that, but each time I remember it brings tears to my eyes.

I finally went to school after staying In my room for a week. It just wasn't the same. What hurt the most was how everyone seemed to have forgotten about her. How could everyone else smile? It was as though she never existed. It was that day I remembered I had no one. I didn't have any friends and was tagged the weird kid in school, but with her, I didn't care.

After a miserable day at school, all I wanted was to be in my room and just listen to music till I passed out. As I searched my cupboard for my headset I was cut by my razor and all of a sudden thoughts filled my mind.

"I could just cut my throat and the pain would end" I thought.

But I was scared of the pain.

"A gun would be quick, but I'm unable to get one" another thought.

"What are you doing? Put that down " Donnie called from across the room.

I realized I'd been staring at the blade for a while.

"Leave me alone, I'll do whatever I want to do. Besides there's nothing you can do about it, as you're just a figment of my imagination " I shot back

"Calm down, I want you to think before you make any rash decisions. And who says I'm a figment of your imagination."

I didn't say anything and went back to thinking of less painful ways to end it all.

"Why do you want to do this?" Donnie asked

"Cant you see, I'm an eighteen year old mess. I haven't done anything with my life. I'm dumb, I'm ugly, no one loves me. Just when I finally meet someone who wrongly loves me just the way I am, she dies. How worse could my life possibly get?" Just then, tears began to drop.

"Though it seems bad now it would get better. Besides, you don't know what death brings. You could find yourself in a worse state than now, such as hell."

Just then, my room door was opened. It was my mum. She noticed I was bleeding.

"Max, what happened?"

She grabbed my hand and lead me into my bathroom. She helped me wash my hands with soap and water. Then we went back to the room again and she applied petroleum jelly on the cut.

"I know you're feeling down at the moment, but I want you to know that it'll be alright." she said

The tears started to flow again. She embraced me

"Your siblings are very worried about you. They said I should come check on you. We are all here for you. We all love you. You know what, I also came to ask you to come and take your dinner. But today, I'll make an exemption and bring your food here for you while we talk. Would you like that? "

" yes " I answered

" Give me a minute " she said as she left the room.

" You see, they all love you. How do you think they'd feel if you killed yourself. And besides Ana would want you to be happy. " Donnie said

And at that moment I realized I was loved. The love which I had been longing for wasn't far away from me. I ran downstairs to join them for dinner. And from that day, whenever I was having a bad time, I would always run to my family for help. And we'd get through it together.

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Thanks for reading. Your support and feedback is greatly appreciated. Have a great day

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