My dear,
Why do we shiver at the edge? Why do our limbs shake uncontrollably upon looking down from a great height?
I don't think at all that the reason is doubting stability of the muscles of our feet, or the weight of our heads in relation to our bodies, even if these are facts, we don't care about those facts in our normal steps, why do we care about them over heights?
I think freedom is the reason. You stand on the ledge and realize how free you are, you can finish everything with a simple cue, or take a slow step back. Either finish everything, or keep a balance of additional years, in which you complete a master's degree, and then devote yourself to putting your feet up at work, and other years for marriage, relationships, and millions of details.
The decision is at stake, and complete freedom is on the edge... Freedom is more glorious than resentment. Do you see?
Whenever I sit in our usual cafe I remember our conversation, which became extensive, and then turned into a challenge, I remember the look of your eyes for that moment, the narrow stares, the rapid movement of the pupils, and the confusion in your eyebrows.
"What are your motives for the adventure?", you asked. I said freedom.
The idea of being able to do that drives me crazy, sometimes to build and sometimes to destroy. I can travel, so why not? I can end a relationship, why not end it? Like the insistence of a salesman, the idea of possibility cries at me, and freedom plays right behind it to tease me.
You have always seen that what I say are just childish impulses and that adventure always calls for a rejection of the present.
I still remember our argument.. So in every adventure I take, I throw vengeance to the ground, and I remember you then say to myself: Freedom is enough, and I will succeed, though you doubt it.
One day I will have a great adventure, and I will tell you about it. And I will remember you with my bag on my back, with different tongues around me.
And I will tell you, my dear, that I have not hated a day that has passed, and I have not erased the pictures of those who passed by me, and that I did what I did for my childish impulses.
Like a child building a castle on the sand, only because he can, and then destroy it, for the same reason. And I promise I will build the most beautiful castle. And you will reconsider.
With love.