Ouch! If only I listened to Mom when she told me never to take him seriously. Okay, she even advised me to pray against the feelings. lol
My mom never believed having crushes or developing a soft spot is a good thing and even to this day she assumes such feelings are wrong and only right when the guy comes proposing directly without thinking of a boyfriend, or girlfriend relationship.
Confusing right? Oh yeah! I too am confused. Consider it as me giving the explanation she gave me when I told her about that person.
I hate referring to him as an ex. It just makes me remember that he once affected my life. That's it though, he was once upon a time a terrible chapter that I had to endure in these young youthful years of existence.
It's not so funny how he entered me at my weakest moment. We were given a quit notice from our house at the time. A home that I later turn into a teaching center for kids during the COVID period.
Since we were to quit the house, it was just right to return the kids' textbooks that were still under my care. Oh, just how I remembered my mind screaming at me to send my younger brother on that errand instead of going myself. Just maybe the chapter wouldn't have been so rough.
Well, it happened already. I met him during the cost of delivering the books myself. Remembered another warning cell from one of my pupil's mom. Like she saw the future, She said “Don't trust him”.
Phew! Maybe I deserved what I got or not, I was initially happy that I'd found a friend, one who's ever ready to hear me speak without being tired, He supported me from afar since my mom wouldn't let him in and only God knew how much I thanked and prayed for him in my mind. Am sure that same God was just shaking his head whipityinging my naivety.
It was hell with him you know, the emotional torture or what it the guilt trip.. Also part of the emotional torture too right? Okay, what about the part about insulting all members of my family I would just stay mute not daring to oppose him for fear of what he would do next.
It goes on and on and on.
I was still ready to hang on and bear until the godforsaken human ended things with me while I was on a long trip with my mom and siblings.
I was shocked beyond words, I couldn't bring myself to cry in other not to alert attention mom, it was the most terrible moment of my life. I just had to stay put and not break down, no no I wasn't ready to deal with Mom's questions at all.
The sick long ride eventually ended where I went straight in and locked myself in my room. It all came out in a rush.
I sure as hell didn't cry the way I did that night the time I broke my leg after a fall from a story building.
I picked up my phone to call, and text. Doing all I could to fix things. Honestly, I didn't mind been taken back as the other girl especially when he told me I'd be useless without him, of course, I didn't want to be useless and begged to be taken back.
Uhmm. It was one terrible night truly. I continued calling for a few days more until the stupid fellow threatened to block me out since am not grateful he did me a favor of still being able to contact him.
I don't know if that was enough reason, but from the very moment, I slapped myself to wake up to reality, deleted his contacts and anything related to him in my life.
It wasn't easy dealing with these. Especially knowing I lost the little I had to him and most of all, my self-esteem. I was ashamed beyond doubt, really thought I would be useless without him truly but I guess it was just one of many tricks up the sleeves of a toxic guy. My belief was almost gone too, holding onto the remnant of faith left in me, I prayed for help to heal and move on.
I carried everything myself, true. I caused it for myself too but am the same person writing without a single tear knowing I could have never come this far without the help from the heavens.
People sure have had their share of heartbreaks and dealt with it differently mine is certainly not the worst but sure the most terrible experience of my life never repeats itself.