I paid a visit to my cousin last weekend, and as we were filling each other in on what’s going on with our lives, she asked me, “Have you also been outside this December?“ I said no. She added, “You should go outside.". When she asked the question, I was sure she already knew the answer.
My sister went out last night, and when she opened the door to the house, she panicked. She said she wasn’t expecting to see me there because I’m never out of my room.
Even at work, my colleagues invite me to come with them to the beach or something to pass the night, and I always tell them that there’s no place I would rather be than on my bed.
This isn’t healthy, I know. But that’s what I’m doing with my life right now. I’m either sleeping, scrolling on TikTok, watching a movie on my laptop, or working on a project.
Currently, I have this project I’m working on that was assigned to me by my boss last month. She wants me to build a customer feedback management system with an integrated chat bot and a chat application.
A screenshot from my laptop
I was quite excited about it at the beginning because we weren’t really doing much at work, so I just wanted something to keep me busy. A few years ago, I was so in love with writing codes and seeing results, but I stopped doing it. So when my boss asked me if I could code, of course I said yes, but I knew deep down that it’s not something I love to do anymore.
So now I’m stuck; I have to learn how to do this all over again and figure out how to meet all the requirements of the project.
And so I’m stuck in my room all day and night, learning, unlearning, and relearning as much as I need to. But I also have a couple of other things I’m doing. I have a few courses I’m taking, and most nights I’m just too tired from work, so I sleep.
This doesn’t give me time to do anything else. I’m constantly thinking that I could be making progress with the many things I’m doing instead of going out or just being lazy.
What I really want to do with my weekends right now is relax, not have such things to worry about, go outside, and hang out for long hours with friends. This is a whole new chapter of my life, and I’m still stuck in my room all day long. It makes my mind go crazy.
all images are mine.