Have you heard there is a new ultimate squirrel fight going on this weekend?
My bet is on El Guapo, I have ten walnuts on him winning in the 2nd round.
I am placing my bets on Tito the Cheeto. I'm certain he will pull a submission in the third round.
C'mon guys don't you know that all those squirrel fights are staged? Why are you wasting your winter stores on sports gambling?
I just earned my first walnut working at the orchard. I'm gonna YOLO my earnings on the underdog.
The fight begins with Tito the Cheeto giving his famous glare at El Guapo. The crowd of squirrels up in the trees gave a huge cheer at this signature move.
El Guapo responded with a dramatic chipmunk expression. Then he flexed his arms and let out a bark with the crowd booing him.
Wait guys I need to place my bet before the fight begins. I'll put one walnut on El Guapo.
For about ten rounds they chased each other around this tree barking and squawking like crazy. This fight is going into overtime with no clear hits or damage being done so far.
Finally El Guapo was able to give a loud roar and scare Tito the Cheeto out of the ring resulting in a loss. Sadly since the fight took so long the audience has already left and their walnut winnings were stolen by the chipmunk bookies again.
The organizer of the fight gets 10% of the bookies' profits. No one knows his name and no squirrel has ever learned of his identity. He thrives on guerilla marketing campaigns with cryptic fight promotion messages chewed into the sides of trees. Why do the poor working class squirrels keep falling for these illegal gambling fights? Anything for a little bit of entertainment after a long day of collecting walnuts and propeller seeds.