The Plot Twist of My Life: Once Upon A Time

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.- Mandy Hale

As soon as I saw this weekends topic on change, so many things started to go through my mind. First I thought, ‘I’m not that old because I’m in my early twenties so obviously , I have changed a lot in the last twenty years’. Twenty years ago, I was still a kid and look at me now, a grown ass woman. So yes, I have changed and so has everyone else.

Twenty years is a lot of time for anyone not to change, trust me. Unless they are frozen in a freezer somewhere in space. As I’m smiling while thinking of how much I’ve changed over the last twenty years , it hit me. Change doesn’t always have to be good. People change in both good and bad ways and I’m now exception. So, now there’s no smile on my face anymore because I’m here thinking about all the wrong choices I made and how they affected me. But what can I do about it? Nothing! All I can do is learn from my mistakes and do better.

Twenty years ago, this was me.

How I’ve changed….

Well, physically I’ve changed a lot. I’m no more a child who needs help getting dressed or to go to school. I’m old enough now to do stuff on my own.

Looking deeper into other aspects of growth, I like to believe that growth isn’t about how tall you are now or how big you look. Growth has to do with the mindset.

Comparing myself to most of my mates out there, I think I grew up very fast. I had to be thinking like in adult even when I wasn’t at that level yet. Is there even a stage where you ought to think like an adult? Long story short, I had to grow up faster than I should and that is what has made me who I am today.

Growing up quickly means that obviously, I became independent at an early stage. Even though I didn’t have to cater for myself and all of that , I was very conscious of everything happening around me. While my mates were requesting for money from their parents to get petty stuff, I was saving my allowance to get stuff for myself without bothering my parents. Even today, I’ve become so independent to the extent that I am unable to ask people for help even when I’m in dire need of it. In one way or the other, I think this change can be both positive and negative when you look at it from different angles.

At this stage in my life, even though I’m not really really old I someway somehow have managed to get fed up of human beings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very social person. Hell, I’m a big talkative but these days, I barely want to hang around people. Let’s just say I’ve had enough of peoples crap and so I’m just trying to catch a break. I still hang out with my friends most of the time but sometimes I just need to be in my own space all by myself. My dad always says it’s a bad thing and I should go out more of them but I just can’t help it.

Why I’ve changed….

sometimes we change without even realising. Once I was advising a friend of mine to stop using some words when talking to people but she would listen. Over time, I also started to use those words without even realising unto my mom prompted me. Since then, self awareness has grown to be my best friend.

So many factors come into play when it comes to why I have changed so much over the last twenty years. I think the first reason would have to do with the conditions in which I grew up. Growing up, my parents made sure to make my siblings and I make decisions for ourselves when it came to our lives . They only came in to give us advice and suggestions when they thought we could go in another direction to get things done the right way.

I grew up in an environment where I was constantly being kept on my toes. Even though I lived a comfortable life, I knew life out there wasn’t easy and so built myself to fit into the outside world when I was required to do so.

I’ve come across so many people in my life and wouldn’t say I’ve had very bad experiences with them. I’ve had both good and bad experiences with family, friends, partners and even acquaintances which has caused me to change so much. Now, I no more tolerate drama in my life. A little bit of drama and you wouldn’t hear from me again.

How the change affected me….

Most of the time that I’ve had to change something in my life, it has been for the right cause . For me, the only change I am willing to embrace is change in the right direction.

Even though I desire for positive change, I have also experienced negative changes which affected me negatively but I bounced back on the right track.

So, I would say the changes in my life over the last 20 years have affected me positively than it has negatively. In all, I have grown to embrace who I am and I’m constantly working towards being a better version of myself.

all images belong to me.

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