I got one that doesn't start with a Ssssssss.
I genuinely fear the information delivered by the postal service. I'm so authentic right now even telling you about it scares the shit outta me and it's morning... 2nd cup of coffee if you know what I mean. I know their hours, their delivery time, their uniforms, vehicle delivery system and routes driven.
Hashtag Scary
Not one time in my however many years of bills did they deliver one energy bill:
Thanks for decades of loyalty, @dandays. This month's on us!
And when they deliver information return addressed to the IRS and Jill (cuz we're on a first name basis like that—Christmas card, the whole 1099) needs to talk to me, I'm terrified. Worse than the highest energy bill any consumer in any summer habitat has ever seen.