The first rule to blowing someone up is do not talk about blowing someone up unless of course by blowing someone up you mean name-drop. That's what this one is. The one where I talk less about Me Me Me and more about content producers who put Me Me Me to sleep. :yawn:
That's right folks! Todays content should suck worse than a field trip to the salt and pepper shaker factory. I only follow authors who make me wish I was doing anything other than consume their content. Humorless and boring? Oh hell yes, together like Velcro and cashmere. Thin skin? You bet your ass they have thin skin. The authors I'm about to introduce you to are so sensitive they make Trump supporters jealous.
Like everything I do I'm methodical and strategic—ain't a "like button" that's for sure. Put it this way, I treat the follow button the same way you treat the Unfollow button.
@nathen007 - I'm only mentioning the bloke out of courtesy, he gave me this idea. Otherwise he's only good for a half decent curation here and there.
@edprivat - He'd like you to think he plays guitar but really he plays the worlds smallest violin. He's probably watching The Notebook right now in a tailored apron and nothing else.
@lizelle - Yeah right! Just kidding Lizelle. Last time I did that she berated me like a servant in Durban.
@plantstoplanks - Typical meat eater who wouldn't run if she was being chased by ninjas.
@traciyork - Look, she's into witchcraft and spell casting. Whenever you do something like this it's best to mention her and keep the peace.
@nonameslefttouse - Super serious guy. When he's not building cabinets you can find him on the golf course air brushing fake tans.
@thebigsweed & @farm-mom - Married in Upstate New York. Toothpicks give the big guy splinters. They like to clip coupons and bargain shop for produce at all the local grocery stores.
@intothewild - Not much of a risk taker. White picket fence planner type dude, typical 9-5'er.
@coloneljethro and @stevenson7 - Slight glimpse of potential with these two. Stop by and show'em some love, they're both saving to upgrade their disposable cameras.
@angryman - He hasn't been around lately, never mind scratch. He probably got caught spying on his neighbors.
@brandt or @otherbrandt, whoever he is today. Real homebody, hardly ever gets out, good guy to know if you can't speak automobile.
@galenkp - Not much for contests or engagement or anything but if you need a squirt gun made out of Legos he's your guy.
@meesterboom - Norwegian chap. Or maybe it was Irish, which ever one's drunk all the time. Real standoffish unless your kid's swinging higher than his on the swings.
@livinguktaiwan - Hardly active on the blockchain anymore. Curating and onboarding, newbie assistance, etc kinda took a back seat when she got her third toilet seat back.
@frot - Real charismatic. Makes friends everywhere he goes without lifting a finger and a huge advocate of ABC's.
@martibis - Never heard of him. I'm not sure how he made the list. :Error 404:
@cmplxty - He doesn't hate vowels he's Welsh.
@splatts - DIY, auto mechanic, not so much. But he's got this patented move where he tricks his wife into believing he worked all day by lathering his hands in gear oil.
@slobberchops - For breaking and entering tips or how to trespass private property without getting caught, he's a seasoned vandal.
@rubido - Redneck who pretends he's European if I'm being honest. Collects antiques no one wants and can't maintain a home renovation budget.
@zoed - If you're into video games and someone who never goes outside, she's your gal. I don't know how she absorbs Vitamin D but her selfie face is adorable.
@bulldog-joy - Proceed with caution. Choir singer by day, cat lady at night and 86'd from everywhere.
@krazzytrukker - He can't spLeL crazy or trucker, there's that. I don't think he's ever attached a gif in his life, either, and most recently registered an account for his cat. Him.
@ryzeonline - Good guy if you're into quick, 100 words or less short stories.
@dreemsteem - She's like 10 people all by herself. Real intimidated by it, too, and selfish! You'll never see her donating time at Christian camps or anything like that and no video feeds either.
@andrastia - If I learned anything from Lizelle it's South African women take no shit from no one. This one stays awake all night dreaming about shoveling it.
@crosheille - She answers to Cribbage and Crochet but don't call her Cricket! That and her fingers are callused from who knows how many needle pricks but I don't have the heart to tell her she can't sew.
Ladies and gentlemen that concludes todays edition of Neighborhood Watch. Your attention is appreciated. In the unlikely event you're not following any or all of the above mentioned authors like I am, I don't blame you. Not everyone can be cooler than the flip side of your pillow.
