This week we are challenged to write a response to the following question for the #weekend-engagement initiative:
What is the worst flight you've ever had and why?
It was an early morning in 2010. A group of us were to board the small jet typically used by the general officers to get around the Pacific theatre. The generals wouldn't be using it and the pilots needed some flight hours, so they were our ride for the next couple of days.
Now by small jet, I mean this thing only seated six people in the passenger area and one of those seats doubled as the toilet. This will become important to note later in the story.
The cockpit had two seats, one for pilot and one for the co-pilot and there was an acordian door on the cockpit that was left open. The interior walls were a faux wood paneling like that you see on the side of old station wagon cars.
It was an old plane!
For this trip I was flying with the Big Boss, PC, Grumpy, Jiggly Puff, and Smarty. I have changed names obviously and they reflect the positions, personalities, or physical features of those involved.
We all loaded the plane, everyone took their seats. Jiggly Puff was stuck with the toilet seat. He wasn't happy. Luckily nobody needed to use the bathroom during the short flight. It was an uneventful flight for our first stage to mainland Japan from Okinawa. This was the last time we would enjoy such a flight in this contraption.
After spending the day working with a subordinate unit and assisting them with some challenges, we spent the night. We woke early the next morning and boarded the plane again. Jiggly Puff was stuck with the toilet seat again. Once again he was not pleased and would be even less pleased in a few short minutes.
We got the warning from the pilot before we even took off. Pilot Asshole turned around in the cockpit and gruffly said we have rough weather ahead so you'll want to stay buckled up. Of course we did as we were told, but took what he said with a grain of salt. A little turbulence wasn't going to bother us.
A little turbulence my ass!
On our way to Seoul, South Korea we hit weather. I don't mean a little weather. I mean it was dark clouds, lighting, and beating rain. The Pilot Asshole tried to climb above it, but wasn't successful.
The plane shook, dropped from level to another, and made noises I had never heard from an aircraft before and I had flown a lot. It wasn't long into this roughing about that I got a tap on the shoulder and looked back. Grumpy was pointing to Jiggly Puff kneeling in front of his toilet seat swaying back and forth throwing his guts up.
Suddenly I noticed Smarty grab for a barf bag and loose his breakfast in it. The smell of barf was quickly filling the cabin. I looked up to the cockpit to the pilots rapidly working controls. The co-pilot looked back and closed the acordian door.
Grumpy started noticeably becoming green around the gills. I asked if he was feeling okay. He said the smell of recycled breakfasts and last evening booze was getting to him.
I wasn't doing to well myself and I could see that PC and Big Boss were feeling not so well themselves. Looking down at my seat pouch I noticed there was no vomit bag. I started looking at the seats of others and it looked like Smarty was the only one who had a barf bag in his seat pouch.
Where was a flight attendant when you needed one?
It seemed now that Jiggly Puff may have had the best seat in the house after all. I wasn't about to throw up on the general's plane. I would be stuck cleaning it up. The thinking cap literally went on, or came out of my pocket. I had my cover (cap) in my side trouser pocket. I took it out and it would have to suffice for my vomit catcher if need be.
After what seemed like hours, but was actually only about two. We started our arrival descent. The plane heaved and swayed as we approached the runway. I looked out the window and as it approached neared, it literally turned almost sideways right before landing and then quickly straightened out right before the moment the wheels made contact.
Jiggly Puff was the first one off the plane!
We all quickly followed. Pilot asshole came behind and made sure to tell us the weather for the flight back would be more of the same. At least we had something to look forward to...NOT!
The flight back was uneventful
Jiggly Puff sat himself safely and snuggly on his toilet seat the entire way and didn't move. We beat the weather on the way back and nobody lost their cookies.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Note: Image is my own taken and edited with iPhone SE.
