Two animals
Name two animals, alive or extinct, (other than dogs and domestic cats) that you would like to have as pets and why. They can be anything, you don't need to be sensible or serious about it, the funnier and more outrageous the better.
Awwwwwwwwwwww She is ssoooooooooo cute. She's getting better at blending into the background."
"Look at her there all camoflauguey over by the pink flowers minding her little egg or big egg for that matter.
She is smiling away at us here.
Rachel the raptor enjoyed blending into the background. She was still only a 2 year old but she had matured into a full grown velociraptor. Owning a raptor has its pro's and cons. Mostly cons but we couldn't get rid of her at this stage. She is part of the family.
When I am hanging out the washing I know I am being watched but I can't see her that well as she blends in so much with the landscape.
The downsides are we couldn't have visitors over for example as she would dismember them in record time.
We have not seen a postman since the last one got attacked and eaten. The post office gave up. It was the 10th postman this year that disappeared in the area. This was good news as well as we haven't had a bill in years.
The only person it doesn't try to decapitate is myself and the wife as she sees us as her mother and father.
Everyone else within a 2 mile radius is dead so we quite like the peace and quiet around here.
Rachels partner in crime is a Timmy the Pterodactyls.
Timmy is a messer and he is always off around the countryside killing sheepdogs and the like.
He comes home and trys to drop the sheepdog from a height to knock me out and he has managed do it only once or twice. It gives raining cats and dogs a serious side in our house.
Sheepdogs aren't half as bad to explain away than humans but there is not much left of a body after Rachel is finished with them so Timmy gets us into the most trouble with farmers.
When the farmers come around Rachel swoops in so problem solved and the animals are fed but it's just another person added to the missing persons list in the locality.
How did we manage to come across them you ask? Well we watched Jurassic Park back in the day and watch how the mosquito in the amber has dinosaur DNA. So we actually tinkered a bit in the Homestead lab and did what they did in the film and hey presto, Rachel and Timmy were born.
We had an awful problem with burglars before Rachel was born but now we welcome them to keep Rachel with a nice glowing coat. When they sneak in Rachel hones her skills and takes them out one by one. A bear wondered in one day and it was great training for her. She used her retractable 6 inch claw for the first time to hook the bear in the mouth and rip his snout clean off. My wife got a fur coat out of it too.
The problem we have now is that we are going to be grandparents. Rachel is after laying that pink egg and we think there are a couple on the way. We cannot sustain 3 vicious predators. Maybe we will sell the pups once we get them vaccinated. They are so cute when they are new born. Trying to rip your face off with their little claw. But they are a great pet. Better than any shitty guard dog such as an Alsatian or Rottweiler. They were Rachels first prey. In fairness Bruno and Rocky did fuck all when the junkies came in and burgled us so they deserved to be put down.
I think Timmy and Rachel tip each other off if anyone is coming. Timmy circles the perimeter and lets a loud eerie croak out of him. This is a signal to Rachel as she scuttles away at the speed of a cheetah. Between them they have probably killed many more than we know of but we turn a blind eye. We just hope that Rachel is still her friendly self when the eggs hatch and the twins are born. But we read in books that they don't eat the grandparents apparently so we are optimistic about it. People say to us, dogs and cats are just so much easier but it is so rewarding to own a creature that is one of the most fearsome killing machines to ever walked the earth. They say it has the brain of a 12 year old and she has learned to open doors. How bad can that be. Just lock the fucking thing. Problem solved.
