I wrote about privilege a couple of weeks ago. I wrote about how I thought privilege was relative. I still think it is, however, today I've been thinking about how things that make us privileged aren't so obvious.
During my dad's party yesterday, I got angry at a bunch of people. I found their behaviour rather irritating and I'm not a subtle person when it comes to reprimanding adults. I'm considered disrespectful because I hardly give a damn about age or calibre when I reprimand. You behave badly, I'll tell you. How I speak to you is dependent on how you carry yourself.
You carry yourself like an entitled person and I'll probably let you know you don't deserve anything from me. I was on the brink of doing just that yesterday. But I looked pretty. I couldn't risk spilling rage on my dress.
When I got home, I started asking myself a lot of questions. "Why do relatives who don't give anything expect so much?" "Why are they so simple-minded?" "Why do they steal and lie when they could just ask and receive?"
I got thinking about the little things that were held in such high esteem to these people. How a towel that cost less than 50 cents could make a person abusive. How food was such a priority to these people that they got physical with themselves just because of it.
At first, I just thought they were dumb. That's usually my word for describing people who behave stupidly. And they behaved stupidly. But then again, I got thinking about how I was raised.
While growing up, my mother always tried to make things special. I understand now that she did that due to her mentality from not having so much while growing up. She would cherish a dress she got for me and refuse to accept that it was no longer my size.
She hates it when I get rid of clothes my sister sent to me from the UK. She never understands why I take out the label of my expensive clothes. To her, these minor things are to be cherished.
Her childhood was nothing like mine.
I love clothes, but I don't cherish them so much. I get rid of clothes often and I don't hold so much sentiment to them. I appreciate them but I don't get attached to them. They get old and fade either way.
I don't beg for food (in public). I love food but it's something I've always had at my disposal so begging for it at an event has never been my disposition. So, when I watch people do it at different events, I get irritated.
I forget that everyone didn't have it as good as I did or even as good as I do. I'm trying to not consider them from a place of rage but a place of pity. Maybe if they grew up the way I did with as much food at my disposal, they wouldn't behave the way they do. Maybe if they could afford to, they wouldn't be so entitled. Maybe, just maybe.
For most of my life, I've refused to associate with my extended family. Asides from a few cousins who showed up when I was young and have kept showing up until today, the majority of my relatives are foreign to me. And I prefer it that way. Having observed their relationship with my parents, I understand that a relationship with most of them would be parasitic. I lack pity and the emotional intelligence to disregard logic and be agreeable to such a relationship.
My disposition towards this is yet to change but I guess I can deal with them with a softer nature, rather than my regular dismissive demeanour. I'm learning, hopefully, it's not too late for me.
Thanks for reading!
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