...dear diary, the weight of everything buried beneath the surface of my skin might lure me to lean in the chaos that comes with uncertainty but I am eager to worship the dying day in gratitude.
...a month from today I get to flip a calendar but before then, my eldest flipped his today. Time has hurriedly woven two decades into his age and I still can't believe that he is the little man I dressed in cute onesies the other day.
...where the time goes to is what I kept asking myself the entire day today every time I laid my eyes on him. Like twenty-two years just went by, huh? And I am here rewinding every one of them beaming with appreciation.
...it took a minute to get here but after it all, if I look through the same lenses carefully, the love I have been shown has allowed my spirit to be delighted to have raised above every challenge.
...the community around me got me through today and considering the anxiety I have been secretly amassing, I can't help but smile. I left my house early this morning in search of what was needed and somehow came back home with everything regardless of my empty pockets.
...the last three months have been lethal to my sanity and after sitting in my unsuccessful attempts, I am ready to filter the lessons that will stay on. Everything else my ego whispers when I find myself here has to go.
...it is in letting go of what I thought I had control over that allows my disoriented headspace to settle and seek another way out.
...and even though focusing on better whilst enduring the wrath of the roughest patch this year is harder than these words can tell, I am trying. An ideal rant on everything I have been complaining about is pursuing the light that lives on these pages but the need to remain thankful of everything that is glowing in the dark is screaming to be heard.
...there is also the hope of turning to art as soon as I can afford to and that plus growing succulents ought to keep my mind from oozing these negative vibes. But at the moment, window shopping for anything that will see me reawaken my inner child's desires is all I am able to do.
...who said grey doesn't have beautiful shades too?
wambuku w.