Identifying and breaking the barriers impeding kindness.

Compassionate Humans breed compassionate societies.

By default, most humans are programmed with the survival of the fittest instinct and that becomes a barrier to kindness as it breeds fear, mischief and too much ego.

In response, the human brain over time has built up defense mechanisms to protect an individual from being taken advantage of.

Hence, the act of kindness might be;

  1. Frowned upon and not be entertained because of fear of mischief.

  2. Held back on because of not wanting to be rejected, embarrassed or get into trouble.

These two points has time without number limit people's intention to showing and receiving kindness.

photo created using Dalle .E 3

To break these barriers is to be;

  1. Compassionate and replace all of such negative emotions with love.

  2. Living in the moment and not taking to heart the actions of the past or judging an individual with the actions of another.

While trying to overcome the stumbling blocks that limits kindness, we should also take into consideration the privacy and beliefs of the other party.

We should be well informed on updated happenings because sometimes, certain practices of some group of people can act as a stumbling block to practicing kindness and an act of kindness out of ignorance might cost us alot.

I'll share some experiences.

When I was running my Health, Safety and Environmental (HSE) program, we were taught how to assist accident victims if we come across such incident especially on the high way. We were also informed about certain religions and their practices especially those who do not accept medications, blood transfusion and the likes.

In cases of accident scenes on the highway, as medical personnel or HSE officials who might also be knowledgeable in the medical field and are well equipped, we were told to not just rush in administering any form of medication without first ascertaining the person's religious stand on survival.

At first I was confuse with that information, so I asked the HSE instructor what if the person is unconscious?

In his response, he educated us that such religious bodies now provide a means of identification for their members, like a card signifying what is allowed and what is not in such circumstance.

I then asked him again, what if there is no card upon search, and the instructor responded life first, you save the person with any means available to you.

He further added that we should be sure to give a detailed report with evidence like pictures or videos of the event, to show that there was nothing instructing otherwise in the actions that we had carried out to save the person's life.

I was disturbed and kept pondering on how individuals can limit their lives because of what they chose to believe in.

It was even more shocking to me that a compassionate act to such individuals that goes against what they believe in, might land one in trouble.

Then I remembered having this conversation with a friend of one of such faith.

I remembered her saying something like in her religion, they are always with a card especially when on transit signifying their faith and their stance against blood transfusion. I was surprised as I never knew this. I went further to ask her what if you are in a situation and blood transfusion is the only way to save your life? She said she would rather die and if she was saved by transfusing blood into her body, she would sue everyone involved including the donor or blood bank as the case may be and claim damages.

I went further to ask her the reason for kicking against blood transfusion and she couldn't say anything tangible but then it's her belief and I respect that but then I learned.

Now, if one is ignorant, such situations can turn kindness to regrets and thus a barrier is created.

A societal norm that impacts kindness negatively in this part of the world I come from is the Police force. I one time came across a dying man, it's like he's mentally unstable and was ran over by a car.

I had wanted to help but nobody assisted me to take the man to the hospital, even the Uber I had booked drove off on seeing me with the dying man. I had thought of going to the Police station for help, but a taxi man watching the scene play out strongly kicked against it and said madam commot your hand from problem (meaning, Madam please avoid trouble).

I had to leave the man as it's common for the police to arrest you and accuse you of being responsible for the man's predicament even when you are just a passerby trying to help.

While we try to educate ourselves on how best to deal with negative externalities regarding kindness, let us look at some ways on how we can overcome personal barriers to kindness.

  1. It is common knowledge that we cannot control all what goes on in our environment, but we are however hundred percent in control of how we choose to react to things around us, and choosing to not overthink things will help us focus our attention on things that matters and not trivia ones.

  2. Whatever change we hope to bring or achieve, it has to first come from within us. We need to groom and elevate ourselves mentally and emotionally in other to withstand or manage barriers that might limit our intentions to kindness.

  3. Understanding the benefits of kindness, and how it affects us postively even more than the receiver, will prompt us to be kind without fear of embarrassment or rejections.

  4. Giving kindness from a heart of abundance: We are no longer affected negatively by the actions of the other person when we give kindness without expecting a reward, appreciation or praises. This is because, we are already contended with our actions that we no longer pay attention to how negatively the other person reacts.

How can we promote a culture of compassion and Kindness?

The human mind is like the computer, garbage in and garbage out. Thus, we become what we consume. Constantly demonstrating and talking about kindness, as well as the need to be compassionate will lead to ripple effects that will get other people to join in.

More so, despite being in an environment where kindness is perceived as weakness or being taken advantaged of, persistency is key and people should also be encouraged to share their experiences with kindness especially the positive ones so as to motivate, impact and enlighten others.


To promote a culture of compassion, people need to constantly be educated on the need to give love to everyone and everything outside their environment, including living and nonliving things. If we keep doing preference when it comes to showing compassion or giving love, we are only leaving room to generate hate.

Kindness journal for the week

In my first week of the kindness prompt you can see it here, I spoke about cutting off some friends that weren't there for me when I needed them.

This week, I reviewed my decision and saw that while I had reached out to one and told her how disappointed and hurt I was that she could not be there for me when I needed her, I did not reach out to the other one. In my anger that despite reaching out to her she didn't make amends or try to be there for me, I cut both of them off because, I know I would not do that to them if reverse was the case.

Tuesday I had tried calling him but there was no response, so I sent him a voice note pouring out my heart and communicating my disappointing. He called me immediately after listening to my voice note and started apologizing.

We got talking, and that was when I realized I had not even given him the details of what I was going through. That is, he did not even understand the gravity of my predicament at the time. In the end he apologized and we made up.

Our settlement brought me relief and gladdened my heart immensely. I felt lighter and happier afterwards.

Photo is mine

Yesterday I had gone to the market to buy periwinkles for soup, usually the seller of the periwinkle breaks it for you so you can cook with afterwards. But this woman had other engagement as she was struggling with her blunt knife to slice vegetables for another customer.

She pleaded with me to be patient with her but then I was running late, and told her I'd just break it myself at home. You guys need to see how happy the woman became and started thanking me like I did one big thing for her lol.

To show her appreciation, she gave me more periwinkles and I was happy too as I now had more than enough to cook my soup with 🙂

Kindly note that the padlock was the only hard object I could find to break the periwinkles with, just incase you are wondering what it's doing there 😂


It has been an amazing month for me talking and constantly sharing about kindness.

I am not stopping because, it has impacted me positively to a large extent that I find myself reviewing certain decisions that I had took and made amends. I rebuilt bridges and let go of issues that ordinarily I wouldn't have.

Truly, when you practice something consistently for twenty one days, it become a habit.

Thank you #dreemport and #kindness community for the amazing lessons in the month of March 🌹.

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