It's coming upto 5 years ago since we had our first, lil miss. I still remember the moment the whole process of child birth if it's your first time can be quite scary and intimidating. Even though people have been doing it for millions of years it's only your first and with it so many unknowns.
I was pretty big on prepping myself before lil miss was born, determined to be the dad I needed growing up as mine took off before I could even walk or talk. I had so many self doubts about myself and as a parent like how would I be as a dad seeing I never had one growing up, what does a dad do? How do I be a dad?
And than she came! My whole world changed and the moment I met my lil girl it was as if I didn't have a care in the world. I was so proud to become a parent and everything else didn't matter. I thought we were going to be best mates from day 1, I'd be changing nappies and cradling her to sleep.
I was going to be the dad I wish I had. Oh but I learned otherwise really quickly. It's taken me 5 years and I've recently learned something new which I thought was just me and I was unlucky but since other friends have started having kids dads are experiencing something I did also.
New borns just don't want a piece of their dads!
Oh believe me the pain is real and it gets worse when you the second comes along as they bond with other siblings before they bond with you 🤣.
Despite my tries I could not go all that near my little one when she was born I could hold her for set amount of time until she would become upset and she'd want her mum or nan or my mum.
For a long time I thought it was something that I was doing wrong or that my little one hated me and I felt really bad. But it wasn't until lil miss was 12 months that she even acknowledged my existence and started to be OK with me. A lot of this I could attribute to the fact that I was working full time and most her waking hours I wasn't home.
Lil bloke was the same to an extend but because he was born in lockdown I think we clicked a lot sooner. But again with him it was around the 12 month mark where he has been a lot better with me.
Don't Stress It's Normal
Recently a lot of my friends have had kids and I was surprised to learn that the majority of dads were also experiencing the same issues and were asking me about if I had similar issues. Oh! I was relieved to hear so many dads also have this same issue and to learn it wasn't me.
How I bonded
I thought I'd provide some advice on what I did to get through this period of time and for many of you whom have been following my blogs you'd know lil miss and I love cooking.
This is because I'd often hold her while cooking once I got home from work to give mum a rest. She really enjoyed watching and even helping me I was also able to hold her for a lot longer before she'd get upset and in time she would rush to the door each night and point at the kitchen.
As she grew she took more of a role in preparing food and making dinner and it is something she enjoys doing with me every night. She's 4 turning 5 in a few weeks and can cook some of her own dishes included her favourite French Toast.
Nan used to get angry at us as she'd always say she was too young and will get hurt but lil miss has been really good and listens to instructions in the kitchen which is probably one of the only places she does and I can see she enjoys it.
She even knows what different meat looks like and when we go shopping and I ask her what we should buy to cook she will roll out a few dishes of what she'd like to cook that week.
Almost 5 years on and now we're best mates, no more crying when mum goes to work for an afternoon shift or an evening but more excitement because she knows we're going to have a lot of fun and experiment in the kitchen!
Lil Bloke was kind of the same but he was also a lot more chill as a baby and he bonded with his sister so if she was OK he tended to be alright.
But I applied much of the same techniques with little bloke in the kitchen but it did cause some jealousy so we've had to find other things to do together.
So my advice to new dads if you're experiencing issues bonding with your new born don't stress out and take your time and find something that you can do with your new born. In time, they will warm upto you.