Hello Everyone. As a mother, I was aware of postpartum depression, but I never anticipated personally experiencing this challenging condition.
After the birth of my second child, I was compelled to take a leave of absence from my employment. This decision was further complicated by the ongoing pandemic, as my workplace was not yet authorized to resume operations at that time.
In the construction industry, my husband held the position of construction worker at a construction company.
Every time he got home from work he would be in a hurry to go to our neighbors' house to have a drinking session. He knows I was tired the whole day taking care of our newborn baby but all he cared about was to enjoy having a drinking session with his friends.
He spends most of his free time with his friends. He never spends time with us as his family, especially with his first child.
Being at home without work and income has been a new experience for me, and it has added to my stress. I am concerned about how I will manage my husband's small salary.
Once upon a time, my husband felt an urgent need to visit his parents' house, which was situated directly across from our residence. His purpose for going there was to participate in a drinking session and engage in karaoke. Despite initially feeling happy upon hearing him dedicate a song to me, my emotions swiftly shifted to anger as I reflected on his actions. His irresponsible behavior as a husband left me deeply disappointed and frustrated. My son was crying and I was trying to calm him down but he didn’t want to stop crying. I spank his butt once and then I cried too.
While I recognize that my actions toward my son were inappropriate, I acted out of anger and struggled to control my emotions at that moment.
Despite my evident distress, my husband remained ignorant, both of my deeds and my emotional turmoil.
In a state of emotional turmoil, I experienced a profound sense of neglect. It was as if my feelings were insignificant, and no one truly cared about my well-being. The depth of my emotions clouded my understanding, leaving me confused and overwhelmed.
In August 2020, after a long wait, my workplace was finally permitted to resume operations. Filled with joy and anticipation, I eagerly awaited the opportunity to return to work.
Though it pained me to leave my son behind at home, I had no choice but to resume my work responsibilities.
Due to my husband's low salary, I had him quit his construction job. The money he earned was insufficient to cover our expenses, including gas for the motorcycle, food, and his habit of smoking cigarettes.
As I dedicate myself to work every day except Sundays, I've gradually overcome my depression. Immersing myself in my job responsibilities and actively seeking additional income opportunities online have been instrumental in my recovery process.
Initially, I believed everything would turn out well. However, my perception changed when my husband became ill. I devoted myself to his care, ensuring he received the necessary medications and support to regain his health.
During a conversation with him, I advised him to quit smoking. He assured me that he had already stopped. However, I later discovered that he had been dishonest with me. I caught him brushing his teeth upon my arrival from work, which led me to realize that he was still engaging in the habit of smoking. That time, I felt deeply let down. I had invested my finances in his recovery from illness, only to be deceived by his lies.
Overwhelmed by intense emotions, I found myself weeping uncontrollably. The force of my sobs reverberated through my skull, creating an unbearable pain as if my head were about to split open.
We called that pain Bughat in our dialect. I ask my husband to ask his mom what to take when having a Bughat or binat in tagalog.
Sadly, I gradually lost my ability to breastfeed. My son was no longer content with the milk he received from my breasts.
With the knowledge that breastmilk provides better health benefits, I strongly desired for my son to continue consuming it over formula milk. Left with no alternative, I reluctantly allowed him to consume only formula milk.
According to my research, postpartum depression can persist for up to seven years.
Despite not being certain if I have completely recovered, I continue to experience stress and anxiety as a result of my husband's actions over the past few years.
With that, I conclude my motherhood blog for today. I hope you enjoyed reading my article.
Thank you for reading, and may divine blessings be upon us all.
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Published: 09/26/2024 03:34 pm (GMT)