Hello Everyone!!!
This is my first time making a post in this community and I cannot wait to be a regular face here. So today I’m going to be sharing my experience being an unexpected third wheel.
Whenever someone comes up to me in a dilemma, to seek for some advice, I’m always happy and willing to help- as I should. But the moment they start talking and I realize that it’s a relationship problem with their partner or a lovers’ spat, I tap out immediately.
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Some might not agree with this but I will not argue with them either. Because for me, I would rather chew jean jacket, or better yet, mop the whole freaking ocean than give advice to a person in love.
I’ll probably listen to your story, in case you just need someone to vent to. But for me to waste my wisdom on you, that will never happen.
I used to have this very good friend- by God’s grace we’re still friends. For the sake of this story I’ll name him Derrick. So Derrick and I met several years ago, in my first year and we quickly became friends.
He was my go-to person whenever I had any relationship issues and needed a listening ear and vice versa. He never hesitated to confide in me whenever he also needed help. So over the years, we got closer and our friendship flourished. It’s safe to say that we’ve seen each other through multiple relationships and there was never a cause for worry.
Till one fateful period though. Derrick had been in this on and off relationship with a girl that he supposedly liked. Let’s call her Danielle. So Derrick and Danielle had been together for a while, on and off. I tried not to judge, you know, it wasn’t my place to do that.
Every time they would fight or have a quarrel, Derrick would come to me and explain the situation and ask for advice, per usual. I tried my best to not be biased when giving advice, because I also like the girl. And ultimately, I wanted the relationship to work so I tried to contribute to their happiness.
What I did not anticipate though, was for their fights to get more intense and frequent. I began to get scared; it looked like they weren’t going to make it. It got to a point where they had this big fight, and my friend put me on the phone to act as a mediator between the both of them. I was that involved man.
After that fight, I actually advised him to do whatever he thought was right, while also hinting that the relationship was getting very toxic for both parties. It was. That fight passed though and they still remained together. Tor, wetin concern me.
The one that really got to me was when he had his finals exam one week, and he legit called me at the start of the week crying that Danielle did something, again. I tried my best to calm him down and redirect his focus to his exams that week. He even had to leave his flat to move to boys’ hostel just so he was around other guys that would cheer him up.
That was the last straw for me though. After his exams, I put pressure on him to break up with this girl before she ruins him completely. I gave him logical reasons backed them all up with examples; I literally made a spreadsheet presentation on why he should leave this girl alone.
A while passed without me hearing “Danielle did this” or “Ifunanya can you believe what Danielle did”. It was actually peaceful. So I assumed that they had officially called it quits. Boyy was I wrong about that.
Weeks later, Derrick called me; he was in town for business and wanted to see me. I was delighted. It had been ages since we last saw in person. I even offered to bring some food that I had cooked. He told me not to bother myself and to just come.
I went to see him.
Tell me why I got to the destination and right before my very eyes, was Danielle. She even held the gate open for me to enter bruv! Guess what her first words to me were, “Hello Ifunanya, the girl that hates me”.
Then she proceeded to lead me up to their room where they were lodged. I entered and saw my friend seated on the bed, without a care in the world. Honestly I didn’t know how to feel.
He welcomed me and gave me something to eat. Conversation between the three of us was terribly awkward because how do you expect me to be comfortable with the girl that I advised to you dump? What do you want me to say to her?
Hi dear, you look stunning today, glad to see your relationship stood the test of time? – The test of time being me.
It would have been great if the nightmare ended there but nope. My enemies remembered me that day. When Derrick said to come see him, I didn’t bother dressing up because the place was close by, and I thought we would just stay indoors and talk.
I didn’t know he planned for us to go out. Mind you, Derrick and Danielle looked like they came straight off a runway show. They looked very nice and shiny. I on the other hand looked like a maid.
That’s how they forced me to accompany them to ShopRite- a large shopping mall, with recreational centers and restaurants. I felt so humiliated and low that day. Worst part was, I gave them a tour round the mall because they were new to town.
This is my entry into Comedy Open Mic's Comtest Contest. That's the link to participate, I had so much fun making this!!!