Let me tell you one beautiful truth, the life of an introvert is always fun even though they love to seclude themselves from others but trust me, they are amazing to interact with. They aren't social like the extroverted ones but they still try to act social among a few of their friends and colleagues. They don't talk too much — actions speak louder than voice for them. I am saying this because it is what I have passed through and still experiencing. But there is one disadvantage which is being shy. I don't know if all introverts have this trait but the ones I have met are always shy. Hardly would you find an introvert who isn't shy even if it's a bit. For me, I am shy.
There are times I try to curtail this, but there are still some gatherings where you cannot do without it and it would make you feel as if the ground should open up and swallow you so that you will be able to avoid the embarrassment. One thing I try to avoid and detest is to be embarrassed and disgraced in public. I feel emotional and before I know what is happening, my eyes have turned red. It is the reason I try to steer clear from any social activities, and most times, I just remain calm and try not to involve myself in anything except when I am being called to stand in the gap.
I was embarrassed some days ago by my platoon commandant and I felt like the ground should open up and swallow me immediately because of the crowd on the parade ground. The man just removed me from the marching group and pushed me so hard that I almost fell to the ground but maintained my stand. The parade ground was so big that it took me a minute to go back to where I needed to stand but the one minute was like hours before getting to where others were. I kept looking down and scratching my head as if something was disturbing it. This is what happens when I am walking amidst people and do not like looking up, I will just be scratching every part of my body to keep me busy and take me away from the crowd. Lol. Seriously the life of some introvert like me is something tough.
On Monday morning, we had a 9 am SAED lecture which was boring as usual. Corpers including me started dozing off. Just imagine how it would be when you are being served pap as breakfast before coming for the lecture which usually takes more than 3 hours, though I do not take breakfast, sitting down for long is always tiring which makes me start dozing off. Aside from that, the night is always short for us, so why won't we doze off during boring lectures?
That is the pavilion with lots of steps
As the lecture was ongoing, I was sitting at the upper stand of the pavilion and there were over 600 corpers who were present too. If I had known what would happen later, I would have sat down at the very edge of the last step so it would be easier for me to stand up and leave. Remember I said I am an introvert who is shy? So walking where people were sitting would be hard for me. After about thirty minutes of lecture, I was feeling pressed and needed to use the toilet. I couldn't stand up seeing the number of corpers and where I was sitting. It would take me a while to get to the last step and move away from the gathering including the guest speakers who were watching us.
I tried to hold my bladder till the end of the lecture. The lecture was just starting and it would take another 2 hours, and thirty minutes to end it, I was feeling uneasy and the lecture wasn't even entering my ears anymore. The thought of how I would walk past these people as I scrutinised the whole steps got me worried. My bladder was already hurting me, and no one told me to stand up when I did, took my belongings and started walking making excuses here and there because the whole place was crowded, and all eyes were on me. Some corpers even thought I wanted to say something to the speaker as they started shouting, "Hey, come back here", you know how these people behave na. I didn't even look back. I walked faster and wished something could take me away from the pavilion immediately but it was impossible. Lol
At some point, my legs were wobbling and weren't stable on the ground as I felt the nervousness in me. Oh man, it wasn't easy for me. Well, in the end, I left the pavilion straight to my hostel to release myself. When I did, I stayed behind and found an excuse not to go back again because how would I face the people to go find a seat for myself? I pretended to be purging when one of the hostel officers asked me what I was doing in the hostel. I was spared and stayed back till the end of the lecture. This is why I don't like getting up from a big crowd to do anything, so, I try to make sure nothing would disturb me. It was a funny thing to me after that day.