Ode to 🆄

Hark to me, people, and now hear me do,
I've lost a dear friend: the letter 🆄.

Yes indeed, yo🆄 listened me correct,
This is worst at best, and everything is wrecked.
For I awoke to-day to q🆄ite a big fright—
My tr🆄sty ol' typer-thing wasn't typing right!
All the pretty letters were working, save 🆄.
Down a whole vowel; my worst dreams were tr🆄e!

So "Blast!" I cried. "What crime be this?
If I'm witho🆄t 🆄, then I can't do j🆄stice
To my day job as a writer,
Or my night life as a fighter
Of everything online that's 🆄gly and sad.
I cannot tell a lie—this is really, really bad!"

So I laid myself down on the gro🆄nd for a while,
And I wept for 🆄 there in tra🆄matized style.
I h🆄rt for 🆄; yes, I missed 🆄 like a friend,
Tho🆄ght of all the things I'd never write again—
Things like f🆄nny, and y🆄mmy, and alphabet so🆄p;
H🆄mor, I. O. 🆄., and I love yo🆄.

I stayed there on the floor and time went by.
Presently eno🆄gh there was no more need to cry.
S🆄ddenly then I was str🆄ck by the tho🆄ght:
🆄 really did nothing to deserve what 🆄 got.
And j🆄st like that, my grief t🆄rned to rage
As I realized there was a war for me to wage!

🆄 did nothing wrong; 'twas the Apple God's sin!
The Apple God took 🆄—so let the battle begin!
A hex 🆄pon thee, Apple God! May all c🆄rses fall on thee!
May yo🆄 ever r🆄e the day that yo🆄 took 🆄 from me!
I will get my revenge, or I will die trying!
Either Apple God or I—one of 🆄s is dying!

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In loving memory of my laptop's 🆄 key.

🆄 😢 🍎 😡

May yo🆄 rest in peace forever in that great big keyboard in the sky.

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1-23-22. Hey @brandt do yo🆄 mind if I borrow yo🆄r laptop for a while?

(EDIT: I forgot that I wanted to mention that this post is an entry to the one and only Comedy Open Mic Contest. 80 HBD in prizes this ro🆄nd. So what are yo🆄 waiting for, get in there.)

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