Madam Sultry's Balls | The Comedy Open Mic Round 5



Mr. Bushbottom's bushy moustache quivered. "Madam." He huffed. "Why, I never!"

"What? Washed you face?" Madam Sultry recoiled as if struck. "Gods man! Have you heard of hygiene? Now chop-chop!" She clapped twice. "Next gown."

Mr. Bushbottom kicked a stool as he left the foyer.

"Mother?" The hapless girl stood upraised with arms outstretched. "Why do you always let him do that?"

"He is very efficient at what he does, my dear."

"You are sleeping with him aren't you?"

"Hush now."

As he returned, Mr. Bushbottom tripped on the fallen stool nearly tearing the gown in two. Madam Sultry seemed nonplussed about the whole affair.

"That's right." She said fiercely. "On the ground like the dog you are..."


"What? Oh, stop fretting dear, he's used to it."

Mr. Bushbottom muttered and spluttered. He tried to make a quip but stuttered. Embarrassed at being harassed, he pulled one lace too many.

"Eek!" The hapless girl squeaked. "You are as clumsy as you are ugly Mr. Bushbottom! This one is too tight as well!"

"Good Gods man!" Madam Sultry slapped his bald head. "Are you gonna do your job? Or should I find the first peasant off the street?"

It lay there then, upturned, discarded and forgotten, plotting its revenge on the unsuspecting Mr. Bushbottom...

Who carefully walked around the overturned stool.

"Smart man." The girl surprised herself in saying.

"Yes." Madam Sultry nodded. "He is indeed, a keeper."

"Mother? Why must I be so prim and pamper at all? You know I hate these balls."

"I swear, if you keep being a brat I will pack all your clothes to charity."


One of the foyer's many doors smashed open. "Madam!" A clearly distraught servant was running his hands through his hair. "There are... peasants outside the manner, madam. They are... they are beseeching you for anything you could give them."

"Give them what?"

"They specifically said 'we'll take anything'." The servant was sweating like a pig at a tea party.

The statue's face lit up as she said. "Shall we send them Mr. Bushbottom?"

"I was thinking the same thing, my lady." The servant boy bowed deeply to superior intelligence.

"Hear that? Mr. Bushbottom?"

"Madam?" The short bald man stood at a doorway, holding a gown. His face was more of a bamboozle than a frown.

"You are to serenade the peasants!" She clapped twice. "Chop-chop."

He flung the gown aside and stormed out.

"Boy!" Madam Sultry's voice was suddenly male, and deep, and raspy. "You pick up that gown and come here."

"But Madam!"

"Hush now, if that mustached penguin can do it - anyone can. Chop-chop."

The boy slowly picked up the discarded gown, hands trembling at the prospect of dressing his longtime love. He approached her. His smile as sweet as summer wine; his eyes as fiery as burning coals. He understood then, why he was where he was. Why his father worked all those years in the quarry. Life sure likes playing its tricks, eh? He snickered to himself. No longer would he be the petulant son. No more. He had found his purpose.

"My lad-"

"Not interested."

And so the Manner was a light through the long hours of night. Shining like a beacon for the raba-rabble. Guests arrived and swore they could hear sweet, dulcet singing wafting from the dark, but they were quickly ushered inside. The nobility paid the peasants no heed as they soon were drunk on song and meed. Not soon enough the cups ran dry, and all the swirling colours left the sty. It was a night to be remembered until they died. For no one forgot Madam Sultry's balls.

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šŸ“¢ I'd like to shout out @deeanndmathews without who I would've never known this contest existed. šŸ˜… This was real fun as I've never done anything like this, so not sure how I did. The experience was great however and I hope to post more in this community.

This contest is super cool and I'm glad to contribute. šŸ˜™ I hope the buddies I tagged also do likewise. (you better not wuss out @kemmyb šŸ˜‚). Dibs is already naturally funny so he shouldn't have any problems writing something šŸ¤£.

šŸ‘Š Follow me on my HIVE blog | Twitter šŸ‘Š

Image source.

Have a great day everyone. šŸ™Œ

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