Well... It's been almost three days since I last reported upon my daily existence on the planet, so of course, I must at least attempt to relieve all guilt associated with such lack of enduring, enthusiastic blogging flare...
I've heard the rumors... I'm not stupid... all my Hive friends have been calling my activity here as "spotty" and stuff like that...!!! It's apparent; even though I read it in a single comment by a single friend who isn't really single, because he's married and used to live in California.
We ALL know that married ex-Californians who move south-eastward get a little cranky over minor nuances like tornados, hurricanes, snow storms, pecan pie, venomous snakes and southern drawls. HE's one of em...!!!
How he knew I'm "spotty" remains a disturbing mystery to me. I haven't sent him any selfies lately... As a matter of fact... I've never sent him nor anybody else on the chain a photo of my body - I hate to stir up jealousy...
Getting back to that 'spottiness', it's true. I got an allergic reaction to avocado that was snuck into the guacamole ordered at a Chinese take-out food joint.
I know what you're thinking... "What's a Chinese Food restaurant doing with guacamole on the menu...?"
Well... I don't know...?!?!?!? But it was there...and... I ORDERED IT...!!!
Of course I asked first if they put real avocado in their recipe, or mock avocado like they do in vegetarian eateries, because most avocados these days are genetically engineered and vegetarians absolutly hate engineers... especially ones with certain genetic characteristics.
Anywayzzzzzz....... The guy behind the counter told me they only use fake avocados, from a lab in Wuhan because it's cheaper to buy at wholesale, has no expiration date and of course, he knew that vegetarians "hate real avocados, just like they hate real meat, cheese and leather underwear".
For that reason, I felt safe to order the stuff; sit on a parked car outside, in the rain and happily, consumed every morsel of the tasty treat... That is, until my face began to feel like it was on fire and my bowels began to rumble with a growing sense of flatulance...
Immediately I knew the guy lied to me about mock avocado. I was quite familiar with these severe allergic reactions rising on and within me.
Thus... the 'spots' appearing all over my body making me "spotty" just like that ex-Californian I mentioned above, wrote in a comment...
How did he know...?!?!?!? I live like five or six hundred miles from the guy. It's not very likely that he's been following me around, spying. Right? I mean... who would do such a thing? What manner of man am I dealing with here?
Some sort of a psycho...?!?!?!?
If I had had some strawberries in my pocket after eating that poison, I could have avoided the spotty appearance, making me look like I have friggin measles... Those always help for some reason - strawberries. It's a natural remedy from Nature.
Nobody actually knows how this works, but it does and I have my friend @dandays to thank for turning me on to this magical strawberry cure, along with magical mushrooms.
The guy's a genius of sorts... Ask @edprivat if you don't believe me. He's French and the French know a lot about a lot of stuff, like how to make really good bread. France owns the patent for French Fries too; they collect royalties from MacDonalds and other fast food joints around the globe.
That's how they afforded the construction of the Eiffel Tower in Paris and Statue of Liberty they gifted to the U.S.
The French even figured out how to lore snails from out of their shells in order to eat them without breaking teeth...
I guess the moral of this story is not to trust Chinese men. They lie... Ask any Chinese woman if you don't believe me; they know the truth... and they're smart like the French are...!!!
That's it, my friends. It's all I got for now. Stay happy and healthy, or get that way.
Images: Compliments of Pixabay.com