I don't want this. I don't need this. I regret even trying. I know that I'm dying. I regret this and everyone that will miss me. I'm lying here in a bathtub of warm water and the crimson of my spilling blood.
I try to stop the bleeding. But both wrists are cut and now I'm too weak to reach the phone for help. I should heed the words of others in the future. I should have gotten help while I still had the chance. I need and want an ambulance. I need the help right now more than ever.
I thought I wanted to die. I really, truly, honestly thought that. I made sure to drink plenty of booze and smoke some weed to get high as a kite to loosen my inhibitions about making the cuts. I was fine with it at first, but as soon as I started to feel the life drain from myself, I immediately realized I wanted to live. Life swoons me back to it's lulling embrace while death is knocking on my door having hung it's hat.
I'm bleeding, and seething. Too weak to care for myself. I lose consciousness, thinking this is it, my final last minute.
Fortunately cops busted down my door due to a wellness check. They were seeking me out to make sure I'm ok. They saved my life. I wasn't aware of any of this until I awoken, next thing I realize I'm waking to day. I may not appreciate the cops saving me because of requiring inpatient mental health because of me being a danger to myself. But honestly I'm secretly glad they did save me.
Thank you.
Though admittedly right before I went to sleep, I did have a moment of clarity and peace. Like the singsong voices of angels lulling me to my last breath. In the very end, death is like a sweet angel lulling you in her breast behest your prior feelings.
I'm ready to live, I'm ready to fight to stay alive. I will reap what I sow in the inpatient care facility for psychiatric patients. I will be court ordered to see therapy and take medication. But this isn't a feat too strong for me to bear. I'm glad they found me.
Just the pain was too great at the time, but I realize that life is worth living. Just keep going. Good things and bad things will come and go like the ebb and flow of the tides. You will end up with your proper fate if you just let life go on. That's what I've learned during my recovery in the medical hospital.
@caelum1infernum
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