“Testing, testing, testing,1, 2, 3, testing.”
I’m a young shy boy, I didn’t say too much. What I used to think was, “Can’t you say anything more interesting? Can’t you vary it out a little?”
Of course, the man is testing the microphone, what he says isn’t really that important, as long as the microphone works.
A week later, I am back again.
“Testing, testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing.”
The same old. Nothing innovative. Am I expecting too much?
Like last week, I would just sit there quietly. This type of gig isn;t really my thing. Ballroom dancing.
I am condemned to return a week later. Time for the microphone to be tested.
“Testing, testing. I shall say that once before I tell you a funny joke.”
Is it a different man this time?
No, it is the same.
“Actually, I’m only joking. Testing, testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing.”
Actually, I’m glad he didn’t tell a joke. He’s probably not funny.
“Testing, testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing.”
Oh, the voice has changed. A female voice.
She continued.
“Master Neil, this microphone works fine. I don’t need or want to tell a joke. I’m not here for entertainment. You have a bad attitude. You need to get out more.”
“I do get out,” I reply. “To this every week. I need to get out less. I’m missing all the quiz shows on the telly.”
“Mr Neil………”
Why is she calling me Mr Neil. I am a young boy.
However, I look in the mirror and I can see myself, as I am today. A lot more confident than when I was a child.
“Carry on testing,” I said.
“Would you like to do it?”
“Do what?” I asked.
“Test the microphone?” she said.
I think to myself, that it can’t be that hard, all you have to do is say, “testing, testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing.”
“I’ll give it a go.”
I go to the microphone. “What shall I say?”
The lady responds.
“It’s not mic night, just test the fucking microphone.”
“Do you realise everybody in this hall heard that?” I said.
“It’s what you wanted. Your turn.”
Let’s just do it,
“Testing, testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing.”
But nobody could hear anything.
“Nobody heard anything, my boy. It’s not working.”
“I know,” I replied. “I was miming.”
The lady smiled at me and then disappeared. So did Mr Neil. The young boy is back and about to hear the microphone being tested.
To everyone’s surprise, I went to the stage.
“Can I test the microphone please?” I asked.
“Of course you can,” said the man. “Just say…….”
“I know what to say.”
The man lowered the microphone, and it was time for me to test.
“Testing, testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing.”
“I didn’t hear anything,” said the man.
This is going to be an interesting night.
Freewrite, prompy by @mariannewest