Complicated,
I am in a state of confusion
I have fallen in love with you,
in an uncertain place,
And we can’t keep walking this path.
We’ve reached the end,
So now I must take flight.
We’ll never meet again
I know that I don’t stand a chance
But my heart still yearns for you
So here I go,
Let me see what happens
In the darkness
— with love, Mark.
It wasn’t like I had ever meant to fall in love with him. Sure, when he first arrived on our island in Japan and was greeted with so much hostility and distrust, it did make things easier, but not because they stopped being uncomfortable around each other. In fact, by that time, I could say that the more distance between us, the closer my feelings felt to friendship. It wasn’t until I watched him walk away from me with tears in his eyes, leaving me standing alone on the island where we met, that it became clear to me.
I didn’t realize how strong this feeling really was until I saw him again at the airport. He was wearing a grey hoodie and jeans, with dark sunglasses obscuring most of his face from view, but there was no mistaking those long hair, or the way he carried himself as he walked to the baggage claim area. It took everything in me to stop myself from running up to him and saying “Hi!”.
Even now, sitting in his old apartment, I feel guilty about not being able to bring myself to speak out. He was the one who gave me the courage to start writing this book, and though he has left me behind once again, after having read the last chapter, I think I finally, deserve some closure.