I have a lot of meetings with people from various walks of life including corporate executives, boards, committees, Directors, government officials, business owners and many others; each have their own needs and agenda, as do I, and I do more listening than I do talking - it's the best way to create a positive outcome; we have two ears and one mouth, and should use them in that proportion, is a common quote.
I thought I'd share a few tips I've applied along the way, the top ten.
Listening, sounds easy and it should be but so many people do it wrong and in business (and many other situations) failure to listen effectively can be costly.
Yesterday I had a meeting with a group of people representing three key stakeholders who are working on a collaboration between the three organisations, my own is one of them. It was horrific. One of the others was a terrible listener who interjected and spoke over myself and the other person and it derailed the entire meeting; considering the seriousness of the meeting and the dollar-value in play, it was damaging and a waste of time and resources.
I came away disappointed as a lot had gone into the meeting preparation and I felt an opportunity may be lost - it also made me think about the basics of effective listening prompting this post and the ten points I've outlined below. These may not work for every situation, remember I'm coming from the point of view of a professional business meeting, but even in social situations good listening is required, the skills are transferrable.
Stop talking
There should only be one person talking at a time - Listening is done with the ears not the mouth and interrupting while the other person is speaking is annoying for the person speaking.
Pause before you talk
Let the other person have time to complete their thought or make their point then wait a few seconds prior to responding - Asking, is there anything else? can be a nice way to get them opening up some more as there mostly is something else.
Plan what you say next
Thinking about one's response while the other person is speaking isn't conducive to good listening - Plan your next question, comment or thought, in a gap or pause in the talking not while you're supposed to be listening to understand them.
Listening for understanding
Listen, hear and understand what the other person is saying - You may not agree with it, but understanding it can help you move the meeting or engagement along with better outcomes.
Paraphrase
Repeating or summarising what the person has said shows you've listened and understood, and can help clarify points you have not - It also helps by giving thinking time should you need it.
Clarify
If you do not understand clearly then say so - it will show them you're keen to get the details right, to understand, and that will help you to deliver better solutions and get more from the meeting.
Let them know you have heard them
Body language says a lot more than words and is a great way to let the speaker know you have heard them - Facial expressions speak volumes and a well-placed nod or tilt of the head can give them confidence in you and even help them open up a little more. Be attentive, look at them, not everywhere else but them - this means your phone of tablet or anything else.
Be patient and present
Concentrate on what the other person is saying, don't let your mind wander - listening intently takes effort and you certainly can't do it well when you're not fully present.
Don't let your mind wander
This is similar to concentrating and being present - Repeating what they say (silently) can help you stay focused in the moment rather than other things in life like what happened on the weekend or forming responses prior to hearing them out and understanding them.
Get the setting right
Find a quiet location without distractions for important conversations; a boardroom, corner of the office, a quiet table at a café, and turn off distractions like mobile phones, clear your desk and put yourself in the right environment - This will help keep you focused and will mean you'll have a better chance at a productive outcome.
I could write a post about each of these but wanted only to do a brief outline. With these things in play during the meeting each party is more likely to get the best out of it and, as I said above, in social situations they can also apply.
I have since reached out to the other person in that meeting, not the bad listener, and we have rescheduled. That third person/organisation is being replaced with someone else (who I hope knows how to listen) and we're keen to move this big-money contract forward for everyone's mutual gain. I'm certain an accord can be reached and things will work out for us but can't help but think of the revenue that person has cost himself and his organisation simply by being a poor listener.
Have you folks had similar situations or had meetings with poor listeners? Have you been a poor listener and learned how to do it well? What did it cost you and what brought the change? Feel free to comment on these things or anything at all really, I'll respond commensurate to the comment you leave.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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Image(s) in this post are my own