Aimlessly, just trying to catch the "golden hour" on my way
For me, this week has been anything but easy.... In fact, quite the opposite. I have financial problems (money is tight), I've been sick more than usual, and above all I've noticed certain physical and emotional changes that only make sense if you add to the equation that I'm not as young as, perhaps, I feel I am in my mind. Add to this, the day to day worries, struggling with loneliness and on top of it all, being a mother 24/7. This is not a complaint, it is a report, in synthesis, of what I do and what affects me.... Under that context, today I decided to send everything to hell, walk to clear my mind, and stumble upon the unplanned goal of appreciating the "golden hour".
"Golden hour" is observed during two periods in the cycle of the day. It can be seen in the morning hours, or depending on the time of year and where it is observed, also in the evening. Near twilight each day. Following the sun can be an interesting but challenging task. Even more so, when you don't have filters or a system to be able to attenuate the impact of that golden light on the objects you want to photograph. Besides, my mind was going two thousand an hour; really fast. Honestly, every week that goes by, I consider more and more to make an extra effort and go to therapy....
Stress is something that I have accumulated in such a way that it is beginning to take its toll on my body and my life. I have become somewhat more cynical and hopeless. Not a very good combination, let alone a positive one? I have not reached a depressive state, or so I think, but the negative influence of negative feelings and emotions on my organism is undeniable...
Normally, my small catharses of the week are obtained by eating something delicious when I am alone, or by watching a movie, or even listening to music albums that I love. But there are times when the things that give me balance and joy no longer do. Sometimes, life is more about the moments filled with build-up and anxiety than anything else. It's nice and therapeutic to disconnect, but we don't always have that luxury.
Sacrifices are part of my everyday life. And by its very nature, it is not a very pleasant thing... Do I regret it? Not at all. I know why I do what I do and I know what my goal is behind that act, but everything has a cost. Nothing in this existence is free. You see? Without meaning to, everything I express, everything I write, and I would even say that almost everything I do, is guided by this somewhat nihilistic philosophy. I love having this space to express it. Blogs are the democratic books of our time. They record the moments, all of them, without exception, and they function as a thread of stories about specific moments in life...
It is curious. I decided to headline this post thinking that I was unwittingly chasing the beauty of the "golden hour", but surprisingly here I am, describing my mind word for word. Using technology, and the valuable time of all of you, dear Hivers, to be able to link the confession with the story.... Do I feel better? No. But I do notice less tension. And just before I decide to sleep, I choose, to write this. Somehow, I needed to get it out, if only a little. From the humility of my being, I thank you for reaching out and for reading me. Enjoy the pictures, enjoy your life, as best you can.
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