There have been times that I wish there could be a way to avoid these continuous responsibilities, especially from family. I tried to dodge those constant "Sis, please I need this, I need that" even when I am also struggling, but who would want to believe that when they know you don't request from anyone and they think you have in surplus to dash out. The thought of how to survive, how to support my siblings, how to do this and do that has always affected my health mentally that I deprived myself of sleep just to keep trying my best and when I am up the next day, I start feeling headache and pain all because I had just 2-3 hours of sleep. But this cycle continues again no matter how much I tried complaining in my mind.
One thing that keeps me from doing all of these and not giving much attention to my mental health, whereby I strain this body so much to a state of being broken down is that I don't want to be a liability or dependent on anyone including my family. I will be indoors all day thinking about the future, finding means to support my two siblings in school and also thinking of fueling my room with foodstuff and meeting my needs. All of these break one down and it is what makes most people commit suicide.
Some people suddenly give up the ghost all because something they were negligent of in their bodies had deteriorated and there was nothing to do. I heard of a single mother of 2 in the UK who died while driving on her way from work. She worked in a hospital and it was because she didn't take notice of her health and it affected her so much to the last of her life. So sad, but it is what is happening today. There are cases of depression everywhere and before you know what is going on, the next headline would be "A young girl in her thirties committed suicide due to depression" and this would make you wonder and ask, why take her life? I have also asked the same question before until I realise it was not easy for them, but I would never succumb to taking my life because of being depressed. In another way, I pray situations that would warrant that will never come to me because most times, you shouldn't trust yourself.
In all of these, I have my own tips that keep me sane and help me boost my mental health amidst those challenges, and situations that seem unbearable.
Noting down what I am grateful for: Something I use to tell people is that "you haven't gone out to see what people are struggling with, whereas here you are, complaining of the little you have". My pastor said something in church that while he visited the hospital, he met a patient whom they were injecting just to fart. An injection cost 75,000 naira and here I am, shifting a part of my bum to fart and still perceive my own smell freely. We don't value what we have until it is lost and seeing others asking for it will make us treat those things like an egg. To keep my sanity, I give thanks to God for the little I have. Most times, I dance while playing songs that give me a vibe, and before you know it, those troubling thoughts are gone and I am back to my normal self.
Do things I enjoy doing: Aside from writing, because when I am not in the mood, I can't be inspired, I read books, watch movies or even just disturb my family's group chat where I bring them out for chatting and gisting. This gives me happiness more when I gist with them, knowing they are all I have after God.
Talk to someone: Another thing about me is that I don't like talking to people about my problems. This is because your problems would be the topic of discussion somewhere else, except you have this trusted friend. I prefer talking to my siblings because I believe my secret is safe once I let them know it should be kept as secret and this still doesn't make me divulge everything to them. Whenever I need something that has been troubling me and there is no way to get it, the only people I go to are my two sisters because they are always there to support me.
Take a deep breath and sleep: "I cannot kill myself". This is the word I speak to myself while looking at the mirror whenever things are weighing me down and it seems all hope is lost. Just yesterday, my siblings and I were chatting and the next thing was to see huge responsibilities piling up and the deadlines for them falling on the same month. This weakened my heart yesterday that I even wrote on my status that "all will be well.. I need help". I know no one would help but I just decided to write out my feelings just to free my heart from different thoughts coming in. Later, I stood up, looked into the mirror, took a deep breath and said, "I cannot kill myself. God will take control" and I slept.
Smiling: No matter what happens to me, I don't miss smiling because I know there will always be a way out. There is no situation that is permanent, all I just need is to be patient and do the right thing, that's it. Another thing that brings me a smile is helping others. I may be going through something different and seeing someone lacking something I have wouldn't stop me from helping which I have always enjoyed and it makes me happy to see I could help someone despite my own situation.
We are the cause of our problems and many of us have taken them seriously thinking there cannot be a way. In truth, there is always a way to whatever problem we are facing. We just need to take some breaths and think thoroughly as many times as possible before taking any decision. Many people who take their lives have assumed and concluded there is no help without trying. Taking your life doesn't help. You have gone whereas those you left behind will nurse the pain and life moves on again. In my tribe, they say, the one who is dead is doomed. While we are still living, there is hope. Believe and trust God and trust in the process too.
Thanks for your time on my blog.
